Soft Dissection

Artist Sabine Feliciano’s fabric rendition of a biology lesson.

Worldbuilding Wednesday 5/13/20:The Best of Twittersnips (Magical Clothing and Accessories)

magic ring chart by matthew schmeer

The superb AD&D magic ring chart redone as a vintage comic book last page ad, by Matthew Schmeer. Graphic design for geeks at its most clever.

Magic clothing and accessories are a staple in fantasy. There’s the Tarnkappe of German legend, Cinderella’s glass slipper, and various gloves, cloaks, shoes, hats and girdles that helped the heroes and heroines of myth achieve their tasks. Tolkien played with that rift in The Hobbit, where Frodo acquires a magic ring by bumbling, less than honorable means; later, in the LOTR trilogy, there’s more rings (of course) and enchanted Elvish cloaks and boots, all of which became basal elements in the AD&D gaming universe.

Here’s some favorite randomly-generated items from my twitter feed, 2017 – 2020.

 

Magical Clothing and Accessories

Cape of the Unicorn:  Enables the wearer to assume the outward form of a unicorn. However, it does not grant unicorn magical powers or movement.

Pendant of the Magpie:  When worn, this bird-shaped charm makes the wearer experience a craving to steal small, shiny objects. Adds a +3 to thieving skills.

Ring of Dwarf Form:  When worn, the wearer becomes a dwarfed version of their normal self. Note that true dwarves probably won’t be fooled.

Ring of Monk Stance:  Enables the wearer to assume the threatening poses of a monk skilled in martial arts. However, it does not confer actual fighting ability.

Robe of the Gymnast:  When worn, the wearer can tumble, cartwheel, and caper as well as a professional acrobat. Highly prized by cat burglars.

Robe of the Prairie:  Makes the wearer blend in with wind-blown grasses and disguises their voice to sound like a grouse’s call.

Shoes of the Whistler:  When worn, enables the wearer to correctly whistle, note for note, any tune heard in its entirety.

Skullcap of the Elf:  When worn, this hat makes the wearer’s ears look as long and pointy as those of an elf.

Trousers of the Lamprey:  Causes the wearer’s legs to temporarily morph into two bloodsucking lampreys.

 

Give me a call.

Alfred Hitchcock in a publicity shot for Dial M for Murder, 1950

 

Worldbuilding Wednesday 5/6/20: Let’s Talk About Princess Irulan and Her Sisters

princess irulan

Princess Irulan, the stereotypical talking head.

I’ve always considered Dune and its many sequels more science fantasy than science fiction. Sure, there’s starships and other planets, not to mention sandworm biology, but there’s also a Catholic-like sisterhood with sinister mind powers, swordfights, a Chosen One trope, and a feudal society with emperors, princesses, and dukes. Herbert cribbed a lot from human history as well (the Hapsburgs, the spice trade, the rise of Islam, the Old Testament) so the books could, in a sense, also be called historical fantasy. Let’s add steampunk to the list too, for all the mentions of clockwork mechanisms and old-timey social mores. (If released today, they’d probably defy categorization.)

One character who has always gotten the short shrift is Princess Irulan, the eldest daughter of the Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV, one of the baddies of the original book. Irulan serves as the binding force that holds the novel together, her narrations beginning each chapter. She serves the same purpose in the David Lynch version of the movie, her talking head introduction easing the newbie viewer into Herbert’s convoluted fantasy. Storywise, she serves as the mighty brought low trope, the tall, haughty blonde (can you say WASP?) married off to Paul Atreides so he can claim the Emperor’s throne. But at the end of the story Paul is no prize. He’s tanned to leather as a Fremen and has freaky blue eyes, his mind permanently altered by spice usage. To add insult to injury, he never consummates his marriage with Irulan, keeping true to his Fremen sweetheart Chani, who bears the twins who are his heirs. Irulan is little better than baggage, and unwanted baggage at that.

How this affects Irulan is by turning her into a victim of Stockholm syndrome. From some point in the future she writes the texts that become the chapter headers of the past, and judging by them, she has become slavishly devoted to the very odd family she married into. In the Lynch movie, Virginia Madsen does a swell turn as Irulan, her chiseled yet sensual features matching the character.

In Children of Dune Irulan was replaced by her sister Wensicia as the scheming villainess, but by then I had lost interest in the series. The characters I knew well and had sympathized with were all going off into different directions that put the lie to the conclusion of the first book, and I wish I had ended the series there.

In the Dune universe Irulan had four younger sisters, who, though they were not featured in the first book, were featured in the glossary at the end of the first book… which, for me, was actually more fun to read than the actual book. Herbert had a way with names, perhaps second only to LeGuin. The sisters had names odd enough to stand out, but familiar enough to feel comfortable with: Chalice, Rugi and Josifa are only a few letters off from the old-fashioned Alice, Ruby, and Josephine. Going by the glossary alone I expected to read more about them, but only Irulan figured in the plot. I wish, in some alternate universe, the whole series could have been about the princesses. Ah well, off to AOC to look up some fanfic.

 

Irulan and her sisters, re-mixed

IRULAN

Erelan

Irushan

Idula

Irulynn

Irusa

Aeralyn

Idulin

Iyadri

Urmikhan

WENSICIA

Wendica

Wessica

Wenuncia

Wenticia

Wevira

Wynsara

Wentira

Vendhi

Wensiffer

RUGI

Runi

Ranoa

Regi

Rumaa

Ruma

Roma

Yugha

Rutri

Reiji

CHALICE

Salica

Kalice

Kachica

Daliche

Chathica

Chalithe

Saliche

Sharice

Shamisa

JOSIFA

Joufa

Jorifou

Jodfrida

Josina

Zoyija

Justica

Jophria

Zofiya

Jonita

… it must be French.

Cobalt’s axim: If you open up a graphic novel and see psychedelic mountains made of disembodied boobies, it must be French.

Worldbuilding Wednesday 4/29/20: Military Slang, Part III

For this series so far I’ve been generating American military slang which could be used in the modern era. In previous conflicts, however, such slang existed too. Redcoats, as every school child knows (well, those who were alive during the American Bicentennial) was slang for British soldiers in the Revolutionary War, along with the less well-known Lobster or Lobsterback. The Civil War gave us Webfoot (infantryman) while WWI was the origin of terms like Shellshock, Basket Case, Cooties, and Strafe.

Like all my names these are free to use or inspire.

 

Military Slang, Part III

Rooster: A watch/watchman to a private’s room
Rotorhead’s Drilling Hat: A hat worn by a military mechanic in the Middle East
Russ: A term of endearment for a male Marine, or anyone having a pasty white body.  Try to run a last mile in any marine’s gear and the room is over half occupied by these sorts.

Set Up: An advanced landing stage on the fly boat
Slinky: A cigarette
Spider: A U.S. Army/Army Reserve Parachute who is training to become a Navy Diver
Spock-Turret: A turret that fires directly downwards
Starmaker: A ship with thatch and up to eighteen sailors
Stinger: A flight helmet in the shape of a snake
Storger: A civilian helicopter crew member
Success Crew: All-male private military company headquartered in Bahrain
Superman: A U.S. Navy Seaman
Swamp Rat: A gunner on an AH-1W Super Cobra helicopter. Also “Slooty Roboto”
 
Tae Kai – A Marine stationed overseas in Japan
Tommy East: Term referring to Blackhole (known as “TJ”) training
Trinity (Flying Half Hearted): When a pilot lets himself get distracted by far more important matters than his plane
Tristar: When a service member falls victim to the maelstrom of insanity
Turkman: A Petty Officer Second Class
Twist and Clutch: A wind-cleared maneuver developed by the Navy where the boat kicks hard in front of the wind to generate a large swell and then swings out to the opposing side.
Tyke: A sailor who repairs electronics.

Urban Footwear: A term used by sailors to refer to athletic shoes

UDA: Unintentional Disposal Association
UP Horn: The ship’s band made up of the flute and trumpet section

Vidinator: A pilot who oversees a restricted area

Wag-Tag: Another name for an aircraft carrier
Wankee: Delta uniform
Windmill: The Marine Corps run.  Less a fart than a speed humerus.

Yardrunner: Soldiers who have completed a challenging training regimen

Zoo Hundred: Usually shouted by a crew on an errand

 

COVID-19

Are you wearing yours?

Worldbuilding Wednesday 4/22/20: Military Slang, Part II

Among the more well-known of military slang words are snafu and FUBAR. Both originated in WWII. Snafu has since passed into regular language use as a noun meaning a mess, an unexpected monkey wrench thrown into one’s plans. Originally SNAFU, the letters stood for Status Nominal: All Fucked Up,  a sarcastic term referring to the normal chaotic state of military life in the field.

FUBAR, in contrast, still keeps its acronym status, which means Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. Both terms have polite definitions in which “fouled” is substituted for the “fucked.”

Here’s some more randomly created military slang.

 

Military Slang, Part II

Jebus: Sailor
Jigabo: A sailor’s companion
Jive Batman: Long-suffering husband of a sailor
Jock: Enlisted man
Johnson: A General or USMC Field Marshall
Jumper suit: By definition, anything that can be worn in a parachute. You’ll want the perfect fit, but don’t wear a suit on this one!
Jumped-up Bootleg: Insulting term for newbies (nearly all of us)
Junk: Items that are not normal sized, such as tents or pallets 

Killa: SEAL
Kangaroo contretemps: A full court martial where all of the accused wear no clothes or wrap their genitalia in bandages
Kettling: The practice of purposefully forming a defensive chain while a riot is taking place.  This allows the formation of human shields and helps the rioters flee, leaving their vehicles unoccupied for officers to control.
Knowitall: A type of pilot who’s an uncultured Kool-Aid drinker

Landrezzer: Fully-automatic machine gun that fires a plastic disc
Lark: A military police dog
Linesman: An enlisted man who climbs on top of a tank and checks whether any shell casings have pierced the armor plating
Lint Stuffer: A sailor’s boot
Long Jacob’s Ladder: A method of killing that involves stripping the victim naked and dropping him from a height with a backpack and backpack straps holding the victim’s arms behind his back

Mama: Marine
Max: Marine
Ms. Militia: Navy lieutenant

Navy Ace: President of the United States of America
Naze: A rectangle of land 20 feet long and 5 feet wide
Nefarico: Derogatory name for military personnel from Quebec

Oath Keeper: Navy staff officer

Pappy: Corpsman
Pearl Diver: Submarine pilot
Pet: Sailor
Puff: Enlisted man

Q-Boat: Container ship
Quatter: Artillery captain