
In 2011 we should have been wearing jumpsuits and whizzing up and down spiral ramps to airports in the sky. Jeez, what went wrong?

In 2011 we should have been wearing jumpsuits and whizzing up and down spiral ramps to airports in the sky. Jeez, what went wrong?

The American military has a long tradition of giving colorful nicknames to its various companies, divisions, and specialty groups. To go along with these nicknames are specially commissioned patches to be worn proudly on uniforms or jackets. Take a look at the assortment above. The graphics reached their height of bizarreness during the Vietnam war years, when they marked the wearer as belonging to an elite boy’s club of skulls with their eyes popping out, hissing vipers, drooling wolves, and angry woodpeckers … childlike, yet offputting.
The nicknames may stick with a division for a while, or change from conflict to conflict. To make a nickname “official” requires a special document from the Center of Military History.
In some future conflict, perhaps there will be monikers like these.
| Hell’s Diving Birds
The Shoeless Cougars Brownheads Doctor Oppers The Carpet Spillers Earth Rhinos The Rolling Wolfpack The Flying Dobermans Turret Goons Bridge Shakers Nose Squad The Grunting Muppets Road Ruffians Gobi Zombies Smoky Birds The Jammin’ 43rd Ultra Beamers The Onboard 88th Hoppin’ Copperheads Soil Mappers |
Gray Hairs
Dirty Zoo Diablos 43rd Globe Anglers Musket Avengers Groundsquids Tanker Breakers 79th Snow Squad Golden Guns Haulin’ Dogs Black Eyes Fighting Apes Silver Buttons 26th Hill Division Horse Eyes Rivermen Aqua Falcons Whiskey Legs Harbor Bulls Cannon Cobras Mountain Shakers |

Existential angst that is in store for all of us one day, if we’re still sentient that is.

Yup.
May history bless the Kardashians with what they deserve.

Despite the name, these demons have nothing to do with King Solomon of the Bible. They are supernatural beings listed in a spellbook known as The Lesser Key of Solomon, or Salomonis Regis, which contains descriptions of them along with summoning instructions. This meaty tome is divided into five parts, compiled by an anonymous author from a series of earlier, more ancient works, some of which date all the way back to Biblical times.
I first encountered these creatures in a book of demonology my older brother gave me on my 10th birthday. That’s right, my older brother gave me an encyclopedia of demons when I turned ten. (My mother said not a peep about it.) It was the first time I saw the bizarre illustrations of them by Louis Breton, who created the sun-lion creature above with the multiple goat legs. Known as Buer, he remains the most distinctive of this artist’s creations.

He also did this one of Caacrinolas, who looks like a demented, grinning Lhasa Apso dog.
For all my research, it’s still unclear who the actual artist was: Breton, who specialized in maritime paintings, or the mysterious M. Jarrault, who may have been an engraver. Publications back then relied heavily on engravers for their illustrations, as the photoprinting process had yet to be invented. An engraver could put his own spin on the artist he copied, and vice versa. There’s certainly a playful, satirical feel to these depictions that reminds me of John Tenniel’s illustrations for Alice in Wonderland. Tenniel intended some of them as caricatures of political figures of the time, and this pic of Baal, for example, certainly seems like an actual person.
The illustrations were made for a 1863 edition of Dictionnaire Infernal by Collin de Plancy, not The Lesser Key of Solomon itself. But because they were the first depictions of the demons, they became the ones most associated with them. There have been other depictions over the years, and perhaps I’ll do a later post on them.
My second exposure to the demons was through my uncle. He was fond of dumpster-diving, and a particular spot at a nearby mall proved fruitful. A stationary store there would tear the front covers off its unsold books, as was standard at the time, to send them back to the distributor, and toss the interiors. I was exposed to many different books that way I wouldn’t have ordinarily read. One of them was Luba Sevarg’s The Do-It-Yourself Witchcraft Guide, without the sensational cover of course.

Much of Sevarg’s book was cribbed from the Salomonis Regis and that included the list of demons. I remember one demon in particular called Pual, described as appearing as an ash tree, who could grant the caster beautiful teeth.
The would-be summoner was to draw the demon’s sigil on the floor along with offerings which included colored candles. The lack of colored candles — most in the stores were white or ivory — meant I could not try the spells myself. This didn’t stop me from scribbling the runes on my school notebooks though. Although I never summoned any demons this early exposure would influence the magic systems I created later in my own writing.
The demons themselves have origins that are Greek, Hebrew, Arabic, Sumerian, and Assyrian. Like beings in a trading card game they are assigned rankings (Prince, Duke, Marquise, etc.), cardinal directions, allies they can draw upon, and spheres of influence. Hey! They may have been the first Pokemon.
The names vary from work to work, changing in translation, but all have a Latin or Greek feel. Using this, I came up with a list of my own.
| Satyros
Enpan Jozeo Furfara Marans Elefantes Vorlona Telos Urdil Urtokar Galdoth Malkuth Beniziel Ultros Flauros Valkurm Flaurus |
Rakorkan
Ororo Zorahor Zephor Echudemon Meltur Balic Ensarans Iolus Forzub Asmensyr Vagsa Gragos Cimal Valus Feldus Astrusion |
Visphon
Marchusan Uvaic Dallugos Delrabia Phoedus Agara Albea Canu Iphemer Perlion Zimal Becas Izala Grisaym Focana Malaam |

Japanese demons, or yokai, invade the personal space of this very aghast male bather.

Many people would agree that it’s been a terrible year. Usually such a year would generate some cleverly epic Halloween costumes, but there’s nowhere to show them off, except virtually. And that’s not a lot of fun.
Still, if you’re up for it, here are some randomly generated ideas.
(And check out costumes for 2018.)
| French Bulldog President Trump
Scooby Gang member Joe Biden Vampire “Karen” Day of the Dead Dr. Fauci Alcoholic Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Top Gun Pilot Mitch McConnell Stoner Baby Shark Ancient Greek Epidemiologist Doughnut bitten by Ruth Bader Ginsburg White Supremacist Bigfoot Republican Executioner COVID Mask-wearing Werewolf |
Hello Kitty Coronavirus
Antifa Zombie Proud Boy Aerobics Instructor Ninja Kamala Harris Unemployed Vampire Home-Schooled Elvis Fascist Video Game Streamer Baby Vladimir Putin Self-Quarantined Llama Robot Corgi Angry Nintendo Switch Unicorn TERF |

Hypnose, by German artist Sascha Schneider (1904)