… because I’ve been having that much fun, that’s why.
Below, Saruman of the Many Colors, by Harold Jog. Known in some circles as “Saruman shows his Gay Pride.”
… because I’ve been having that much fun, that’s why.
Below, Saruman of the Many Colors, by Harold Jog. Known in some circles as “Saruman shows his Gay Pride.”
I thought I was finished with this series, but there’s just too much good material, and a few book covers I overlooked. So let’s proceed.
First of all, it occurred to me I never included pictures of non-Russian hobbits to serve as comparisons. So here’s the first ever, drawn by Tolkien.
And isn’t it amazing how Bilbo bears a resemblance to the artist himself! An in-joke, maybe?
That said, it’s nicely drafted, but the sizes of the furniture aren’t consistent, and the whole hole (pun not intended) seems too large for tiny Bilbo, especially given how he’s in the foreground. That entrance would easily be six times his height. How in Arda would he light the lamp that’s hanging overhead or change the hands on that cuckoo clock to the right?
However, I can’t mock the artist too much, because figure drawing was never his forte. If we remove Bilbo (whose hairy feet we can’t see) we have a nicely rendered, personally conceptualized picture of what a well-to-do hobbit hole would look like.
Frodo from the Peter Jackson movies. Like it or not he’s the most widely known hobbit depiction these days. His large bare feet are furred on the top, most heavily over the arch. No fur creeping up his ankles and shins or hairy hands.
For a fantasy fan who was born prior to 1990, however, the animated Bilbo to the left would have been the introduction to hobbithood. It’s from a 1977 TV special by Rankin-Bass.
With his rotund torso and woodland critter teeth, he’s not so far off from some Russian versions, is he? But his feet are different: large, clean, and luxuriously hairy on the tops, like an icelandic sheepskin rug or the shag carpets popular earlier in the decade.
Rankin Bass used the same character type for their later animated special of Return of the King. The Two Towers was skipped because Ralph Bakshi held the rights at the time, leading to an awkward lack of continuity. Luckily I had read the whole of the trilogy before it aired so I was not confused. Meanwhile, Bakshi’s Two Towers went unmade.
So let’s talk about Bakshi’s hobbits.
Bakshi’s animated hobbits in his version of The Lord of the Rings went off in a different, more realistic direction that greatly influenced Peter Jackson. Bakshi’s hobbits are childlike, with big skulls and small faces. They have thick legs and feet that are hairy, but not excessively so — they are not caricatures as the Rankin Bass hobbits seen to be. Well, except for Sam, whose gapped teeth and big nose make him look like a country bumpkin.
A hobbit luncheon, courtesy of Ralph Bakshi. From left to right: Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry.
Bakshi’s film was released in 1978 and though it disappointed many fans it was immensely hyped and helped float along publishers’ interest in releasing new editions of Tolkien’s work. If you were a fantasy fan then it was an exciting time.
Now let’s do a 180. Here’s the first Romanian version of The Hobbit.
My fault for not including in Part 5. (The title threw me off. Romanian language is Latin-based so at first I took it for Spanish.) There’s a lot to analyze here — a wig-wearing, decorative Smaug, for one thing. But it’s Bilbo with his pointy hat — that has a useless buckle — and thick black sideburns that draws the eye and makes the experienced hobbit fan mistake him for Gandalf.
But as far as children’s book artwork goes, I like a lot, especially Bilbo’s cautious, trepidacious look that suggests he’s a thief and is invisible to Smaug, even though the viewer can see him. Child me would want to read this book.
Russia made live-action TV versions of both The Hobbit and the complete LOTR trilogy. Both are available on YouTube to watch; they have been described as charming, atrocious, hilarious, and hallucinogenic. I’ll leave it to you decide.
The first ever broadcast, live-action Bilbo is portly and deadpan. He wears a knitted gray skullcap, a collared pink dress shirt, and knitted arm warmers. No hairy feet that I remember, but the quality of the videotape is not good.
The hobbit gang from the Russian Lord of the Rings. A somber bunch and certainly NOT childlike and carefree. Frodo stands at center holding a spittoon (?) with pipe-smoking Sam at his back wearing a peasant hat. Merry and Pippin to Frodo’s right and left, who look older than him and certainly not his peers. Eighties spiky-haired wigs on all of them. Frodo’s hair is red, which denotes the Russian ideal of the troublemaker, or the character that stands out the most. Their costuming is in line with Tolkien’s original drawing — that of the tweed-jacketed country gentleman.
Now I’ll look a quick look at Russian versions of Tolkien’s elves and dwarves.
Oh my god, this one is so bad it gives me secondhand embarassment for the fictional characters it depicts. The blonde pageboy haircuts on the elves! And their Robin Hood getups! That’s so wrong.
Not sure if the dwarf below was made by a Russian artist, but he certainly looks Russian or Slavic.
Truly a magnificent being.
Valinor was where the gods, or Valar, of Middle-Earth dwelt; it lay far over the western sea. In the age of The Silmarillion, there were comings and goings to it all the time (by the standards of elves that is) but by the LOTR, it was only a legend to mortals.
This illustration by Michael Naismith emphasizes the land’s otherworldly nature. Only conifer trees grow there (some kind of arbor vitae, or cedar maybe) and the grass is very green. At the top of gigantic, needle-like Mt. Taniquetil lie the Halls of Manwe, the leader of the gods. Tolkien’s own Illustration of Taniquetil is below. Oddly it’s depicted as being on the coast, not inland as The Silmarillion says. He likely painted it while his conception of Valinor was still coming together.
Even the lands of deities can be mapped.
This map shows the far western continent of Aman where Valinor is situated. The two names may be interchangeable; I’m not sure. Most depictions show this continent as crescent-shaped with the world-encircling sea lapping its western shores. That is, the sea that existed before Arda was made round. Then the continent was placed into a pocket dimension above and beyond the physical world, accessible only to the elves who sailed the “Straight Road.” At the continent’s northern tip it curves around and connects to the main continent of Middle-Earth, a sort of Bering land strait if you will. The map below goes into waaaay more detail.
This map is gorgeously detailed, but I’m note sure if it was compiled from the whole of Tolkien’s work (which includes 10 volumes of his Histories of Middle-Earth!) or if it’s from an RPG or other online game.
As I mentioned in Part 1, Tolkien described orcs in racially stereotyped terms, in fact, he even admitted to it: ” squat, broad, flat-nosed, sallow-skinned, with wide mouths and slant eyes: in fact degraded and repulsive versions of the (to Europeans) least lovely Mongol-types.”
The above illustration by Tim Kirk, then a fan artist, adheres to this description. To my mind, though, his orcs don’t resemble any human race in particular — they just look monstrous. They’re also full of personality, to point where a viewer can easily imagine what they’re thinking and feeling.
I admit I’m fonder of these boogeyman orcs than I am of the Peter Jackson ones. The orcs of both movie trilogies, and The Rings of Power which copies their look, are horrifying to the point of distraction: black, slimy, diseased, and deformed, with strange piercings and pieces of metal screwed into their skins. Perhaps it didn’t matter as much in the LOTR, where the focus was on the good guys and the orcs served as occasional shock value; but in Rings of Power the orcs are players in their own right, and one wants to look away from them. OK, we get they’re evil; but why hit us over the head with it?
(I was going to write a Why I Hate… post about it, but I think I’ve said everything I wanted to say.)
Anyhow, a few more words of Orkish.
Kâzk | A weapon of any kind. Kazku, sword; Kazkuz, spear; Kazku hai, broadsword. |
Kikik, Kik’k | Knife. |
Khindrá | Food of any kind. This is the polite, general word. Bodies of enemies eaten after battle are known as sklabinsch, or “Don’t waste.” |
Lutgluk | Night. Literally means “good place.” |
Náka | Tattoo. Tattooing was held in much esteem by the orcs and one of the few ways they expressed themselves artistically. Some humans (and, it is rumored, dwarves) sought out the more peaceable tribes for this service. |
Ra’ab | A general word for raiding and plundering. |
Skruk | Asshole. |
Sorzgal | Beloved, or cherished one. Yes, orcs do love. |
Vûlgrun | “Coverings.” Can mean a tarp, a wrapping, a shroud, or even clothing depending on the context. Examples are Durbvulg, “foot-coverings” or boots/shoes; Angvulg, armor; Szikvulg, hair. |
The Tolkien revival has grown up with the internet. When the Jackson trilogy began in 2001, memes, forums, message boards, and myspace were new and fresh, enabling fans to find each other and begin to create… humor, that is. The following is a sampling from those 25 years.
You’d need to be born before 1980 to get which TV detective this drawing references.
This little dog in chainmail has appeared in other memes, but this is his shining moment. “One does not simply walk into Mordor” is a catchphrase from the first movie uttered by Boromir at the Council of The Ring. It’s only gotten stronger with the years.
Another famous meme from the same meeting, when Aragorn joins the fellowship by saying “You shall have my sword” to which Legolas replies, “And my bow.”
There were likely thousands of short cartoons like this on the internet then. This one is by Jeremy Kaye.
A more recent meme by the mention of the car-sharing app. This one refers to the perennial question “Why didn’t the giant eagles just fly the ring into Mordor and destroy it, saving everyone a lot of grief?” Tolkien’s official answer to that was unsatisfactory; the gist of it was “They have their own concerns.”
Q: What was the hobbits’ favorite grunge band?
A: Hole
Have you heard J.R.R. Tolkien and Angela Lansbury teamed to create a Middle-Earth murder mystery show? It’s called Mordor She Wrote.
This cartoon by Clik-Chan was made after the Hobbit trilogy and parodies King Thranduil’s (as played by Lee Pace) awesome Queen Bitchiness pitted against another Elf King icon, David Bowie’s Jareth from the 1980s fantasy movie Labyrinth. Pace emerges as the victor.
Sleeping styles. Not sure when it was made.
Q: Who brought Scientology to the Middle-Earth?
A: Elrond Hubbard
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Saruman.
Saruman who?
Sorry, man, I had the wrong address!
The Deviant.art artist The-Black-Panther created a whole series of these webcomics about the day-to-day dreariness and uncertainty of life under an evil overlord.
Cartoon by Travis Hanson
Q: Why did Saruman let his orcs smoke pot?
A: He wanted to make them Uruk-high
Q: How do orcs keep their food fresh?
A: Sauron-wrap
Thranduil makes another appearance here. Some characters are more “memeable” than others. The two dwarven women are complaining how Legolas stole Gimli away (in a romantic sense) after The War of The Ring. At the end of the trilogy, as you’ll remember, the two sailed off into the sunset on an elven boat. Tolkien meant they just had a deep friendship, but many female fans construe it as sexual. It’s more fun that way not to mention humorous.
The artist did a knock-up job on the dwarven ladies’ stylish beards and Tudor gowns.
Click on this complicated cartoon to see it larger. Gypsey-Rae, the artist, creates zentangle scribbles around everything, adding to the anxious, scribbly Aubrey Beardsley feel. The theme is one beloved with female Silmarillion fans — that of Morgoth (Melkor) seducing Sauron (then Mairon) to his side. Now “seduce” is the exact same word Tolkien uses when describing Morgoth’s machinations, but he means it its older definition: to attract powerfully. Fans aren’t so stupid to not realize Tolkien’s intentions; but taking the word in its more widespread definition is more fun.
(The song referenced is the annoyingly retro-sexist Paradise by the Dashboard Light, by Meatloaf.)
The creator also makes the point that the Valar and Maiar are both children of Eru (Tolkien’s supreme god) so the two fooling around together would be incest.
Q: Why did the writer of The Lord of the Rings get kicked out of the movie theater?
A: Because he was Tolkien.
From hobbits my mind has drifted off to orcs. Or orks, uruks, orchs, as known in some of Middle-Earth’s other languages.
Tolkien never described the orcs too deeply and when he did, unfortunately, it was with language one would use for non-white humans: broad noses, sallow complexions, slanted eyes. I could go into this more as one of the books I’m reading now is White, by Richard Dyer, a scholarly work about how white (Caucasian/European) people see themselves from a place of privilege, specifically in art; but other fantasy critics have gone down that path.
I think it’s clear, though, that Tolkien intended orcs to be everything elves were not. In The Silmarillion, he hints that orcs were created from elven stock: those elves who, after The Awakening, were frightened by Oromë when he came to fetch them and ran away, and so stumbled into Melkor’s, that is Morgoth’s, clutches. If you are a fantasy reader and of Gen X, you will remember that this was how the evil dragon soldiers of the Dragonlance series were created — by the bad guys stealing the good dragons’ hatchlings and eggs!
I think this was clearer to Tolkien when he wrote LOTR than it was to the reader. But it is also clear that the language(s) of the orcs were very different from the elven ones, and this also signals their inherent deformity and evil. Any being that spits off “uglúk u bagronk sha pushdug Saruman-glob búbhosh skai” is going to be different from one who warbles in dulcet tones “laurië lantar lassi súrinen, yéni únótimë ve rámar aldaron.” That is the most important division for Tolkien.
In LOTR orcs use the Black Speech originally devised by Sauron to unify his forces, as well as Common. But Tolkien says that each tribe also had its own language, picking up words here and there from other races, and that all of them sounded awful. In contrast, the elves preserved and venerated both their high tongue (Quenya) and everyday derivative of it (Sindarin). Bad orcs, good elves!
The Orkish tongue was rounded out by linguist David Salo for Peter Jackson’s Hobbit trilogy. There’s a word list here courtesy of Wayback. Has it been this long?
I also created some words myself, suitable for fanfics or roleplaying. In these words I inserted my own speculations on orc society.
Azndâg | A feeling of awe and respect and mixed with abject fear. Orcs see this as a positive, not negative feeling and pursue it whenever they can, whether it means being in subject to a powerful ruler, or running into battle with an overwhelming opponent. It is a vital aspect of their psychology. It means orcs will take risks other races see as suicidal. |
Bif | Female, specifically an orc female, but used with amendments for different races. For example, Bif-oghor means human female. |
Bifta-hai | An Orkish matriarch, a term of respect. |
Bôgkhar | A term meaning “getting too full of oneself” or reaching above one’s station. Orcs have a hierarchical society like chimpanzees, but that also means superiors can be challenged by those beneath them. Given that orcs also value azndag, this means lots of conflict. |
Ghandgá | Literally, “shiny things.” This means treasure of any kind, e.g. gold, gems. However in some contexts it can mean treasures of the mind or of the spirit. |
Gnarj | Hunger. Can also mean thirst or greed, depending on the context. Orcs have a high metabolism so they are always hungry. A similar word, gnarjkiksh, means hunger for knowledge or enlightenment. |
Grurg | Animal. Mostly orcs don’t distinguish between animal types. A grurg ki (little animal) can mean a sparrow as well as a snake or a squirrel. However, orcs do group animals into classes of prey (to eat) and non-prey. |
Hjaaz | The Orcish draught forced on Merry and Pippin to get them moving and forget their pain after being captured in The Two Towers. Hjaaz is brewed by the orc tribe’s Bifta-hai. |
Ighek | “Keep it up” or “keep going.” |
Whenever I do a deep dive on a subject I always discover things I never knew before. Like this ink drawing of Bilbo and Gandalf that children’s book author Maurice Sendak did! The year was 1967 and it was made during a period Sendak was illustrating others’ work but not writing his own. One could imagine the edition that might have resulted, but it was not to be, according to The Tolkienist.
In coming to the end of this series, I’ll look at editions of The Hobbit that were published in former Eastern Bloc countries.
In Part 2 of this series I speculated that the Russian translation may have used for an early Polish edition instead of Tolkien’s original English language one, hence the all-over hairy feet. But a friend pointed out that other languages, such as Japanese, also don’t have separate words for legs and feet. That may have been true for the countries below; although influenced by Russia, they needn’t have used the original Russian translation for their own. Nevertheless, there are visual similarities between them.
A Czech edition showing Russian style hairy feet AND hairy arms, like a li’l wood critter. (That must be some pretty potent weed in the pipe Bilbo’s smoking… potent enough for him to dream the crescent moon is tangled in the branches of the tree.) Smaug belches fire in the distance. It’s cute, but not what Tolkien himself had in mind, I think.
Since I mentioned problems with translation, I wonder if the translator of this book substituted “legs / feet” with “limbs” — hence the hair on both.
One of the most infamously out-there editions of The Hobbit ever published, this Czech Hobbit features crude, childlike drawings and typefaces that, for all their primitiveness, collectively create a feel of motion and excitement. But what are a bunch of fossils doing up there? Why does Hobbiton have houses and not hobbit-holes? Why does Gandalf look like he wandered in from a Jan Švankmajer movie?
I’d buy it in a heartbeat, though.
On to Slovakia. Artist Peter Klucik created a series of unpublished drawings that with their scratchy inking and color washes recall those of Victorian cartoonists such as John Tenniel. In this one Bilbo races up a subterranean tunnel in the house of the Elfking. He’s got hair all over his feet even on the soles.
This one is Polish and may be a cinema poster for the Peter Jackson Hobbit trilogy. The Polish cinema school is world-renowned and so is the Polish reputation for creating graphically innovative movie posters, which are uniquely of that country and have nothing to do with the art supplied by the studio. This poster has an R. Crumb counterculture feel, with elements including a Dwarven morningstar, Gollum in a “Killroy was here” pose, a hairy foot, and an effete-looking face coming out of the map that may be an elf’s. Meanwhile, Smaug is rendered like a Mesoamerican serpent carving that travels in angles, not curves.
A first edition Polish translation, in a style similar to that of Solidarity logo designer Jerzy Janiszewski. It’s visually sophisticated, as midcentury art is meant to be, but I don’t get much fun and adventure from it.
A Ukrainian edition with a spindly-legged Bilbo outside his home. He’s balding, so that was carried over from the Russian original at least.
Over now to Latvia with this 1991 edition that captures Bilbo running to catch up to the rest of the party. He must have been in a hurry because it looks like he’s still wrapped in his bedsheet. Latvia has more Scandinavian influences than Russian ones, hence the friendly gnomish look of the dwarves with their pointy caps. It’s simple and I like it, especially the way Gandalf is looking at the viewer and mischievously waggles his eyebrows.
This Estonian edition’s cover is in the Hobbits’ two favorite colors: yellow and green, as Mr. Tolkien so carefully told us. Bilbo poses in the center in armor holding a shield with a dragon on it, looking very proud of himself. Eagles, dwarves, and chamomile flowers (I think?) form the border.
The first Bulgarian edition of The Hobbit showing a strong ethnic influence. Bilbo’s hairy feet/legs are suggested rather than shown.
Another Bulgarian Hobbit, stylistically similar to the above, but hampered by two-color printing.
An interior illustration from the above edition.showing a monstrous Gollum with huge duck feet and antennae on his head. He looks a lot like Ultraman’s enemy Seijin Hipporito.
A comic version from Bulgaria. Bilbo is blonde and childlike while Gandalf resembles a street magician. But the hobbit-hole is done correctly.
On to Mongolia.
The text is in Russian and so is Bilbo. But Gandalf is Mongolian through and through with his boots, belt, and dark complexion! Note the oddity of his hat, a mashup of a traditional Mongolian one with a wide-brimmed wizard’s one, and the small ornament on the end of his staff.
In this post I’ll be looking at some Russian / Slavic hobbit illustrations I found that were not published, at least not in a book, as far as I know.
This sweet pic depicts, I think, Gandalf and Bilbo after their adventure sharing a quiet moment together, or perhaps some ho-yay?** Gandalf is not wearing his usual hat and robe and instead sports Slavic wear, including some clunky clogs with sheepskin ankle wraps. There’s a Russian-style teapot by his left hand likely containing hot chai.
Or perhaps the scene depicts Aragorn, visiting and comforting Frodo after the tumultuous events of The Return of the King. He’s not so grand a king that he doesn’t travel among his own people sometimes. There, that’s it.
Boromir and Hobbits, by faQy
Another Slavic depiction with two hobbits who may be Frodo and Sam, or Merry and Pippin. I think it’s the latter because of how they’re acting; I don’t sense Frodo’s angst here. Boromir looks exasperated as they clown around. For some reason the artist left off their big, hairy feet. (The artist is Czech rather than Russian.)
This pic must have been created after the Peter Jackson trilogy, as Gollum is humanoid and nearly naked but for his loincloth. He looks stumped by Bilbo’s riddle.
It’s Bilbo that’s the surprise here — with his slim build and delicate face, he looks more elf than hobbit.
A very slim, childlike Bilbo holding the Arkenstone (and hiding behind a pillar) as Thorin crouches with his hand to his head, wondering “Where the heck did that dang gem go?” Note Bilbo’s guilty look! And the elven chain mail he wears under his clothing. His feet don’t have the all-over hairy quality of earlier hobbits, but they do have hair, as well as black toenails/claws, making them look rather squirrel-like. That’s new!
This artist is also from the Czech Republic. There’s enough Czech hobbits they warrant their own series one day.
Art by Kay Woollard
I’m not sure if this hobbit is truly Russian because there’s English text at the bottom, and the name of the artist isn’t. But his feet sure are!
** A slashy M/M relationship.
One of the mysteries of the Rings trilogy is the appearance of the mumakil ridden by the Easterners. Like many of Tolkien’s creatures they are sparsely described and that description serves to add emotional weight to the story, not provide a mental picture. We can imagine Tolkien had earthly elephants in mind when he wrote those chapters, ones that, perhaps, were a bit larger than their real-world counterparts, or prehistoric mammoths as depicted by animator Ralph Bakshi in his version of the LOTR. (Tolkien, however, did not mention fur.) The lack of a firm description is, of course, wonderful for Tolkien artists, as it lets them come up with their own ideas.
But what if the mumakil were based on a real-world, albeit imaginary, species of proboscideans? They might be one of these. Click on the links and you’ll learn something about elephants too.
Mammuthus tyrannotusk |
This larger relative of the Columbian mammoth towered above its brethren at a height of 15 feet at the shoulder and weighed nearly 13 tons. Its tusks, stretching nearly 20 feet, were reinforced with sharp keratin ridges, allowing it to topple entire trees with a single swing. Despite its size, Mammuthus tyrannotusk was a surprisingly agile swimmer, using its trunk as a snorkel to cross rivers in search of vegetation. Indications were it had dense, bluish-gray fur for protection against extreme cold. |
Deinotherium caelorex | The name of this species means “Sky king” for it stood an astounding 19 feet at the shoulder. Like other members of genus Deinotherium it had downward-curving tusks on its lower jaw, but it also sported a pair of long, straight tusks in its upper jaw that it used like spears. Its pillar-like legs were taller in proportion to its body than most members of the Proboscidea, with broad feet that were nimble and flexible, with clawlike nails. This suggests it lived in mountains and hills were it scrambled up forested slopes in search of forage, crossing even snowbound passes in its never-ending migrations. |
Zygolophodin dracoderm | Covered in thick, scale-like plates of keratin resembling dragon hide, this mastodon relative grew to 16 feet at the shoulder and was nearly invulnerable to attacks from predators. Its tusks, growing in a spiraled shape, were used not only for combat but also for stripping entire trees of their bark in seconds. A second, smaller pair of tusks grew from their lower jaw and in combination with the upper, acted as serrated shears. Living in herds of up to 100, these armored giants created their own ecosystem as they crossed the open plains. |
Gomphotherium arcanus | This giant proboscidean is renowned for its subtly iridescent skin—an adaptation thought to arise from unique mineral deposits embedded in its dermal layers. It has four straight tusks of equal length, one pair each in the upper and lower jaws. The lower jaw is much longer and stronger than in modern elephants. Its forehead is covered by a thick, bony plate with pronounced ridges over its eyes. Expansive ears function like natural radiators, dissipating heat from its enormous body during the summer. Thick-boned and heavily muscled, it stood 17 feet at the shoulder and weighed close to 19 tons. |
Palaeoloxodon fortis | Perhaps the most fantastical of these ancient giants, Palaeoloxodon fortis soars in size to 20′ at the shoulder to reach the towering canopies of jungle forests. Its six uniquely cloud-patterned tusks shimmer under the primeval sky as it moves. Closely related to (but much larger than) the African elephant, this species has an expanded cranial capacity enabling it to form sophisticated social structures and communication networks within its herds. The parieto-occipetal crest on top of its skull is more prominent and forms two high ridges on mature males that boast colorful patterns in breeding season. Males also carry two horns which are grown and shed seasonally.
Thriving in an era marred by volcanic upheaval and meteorite impacts, this resilient species stands as a testament to nature’s capacity for wonder. |