Skull covered in Swarovsky crystals
Worldbuilding Wednesday 5/19/21: Beatles Songs
The Fab Four in their Western cartoon version (above) from the 1965 Saturday morning cartoon, and an Eastern version of them as Japanese manga figures, below.
One thing about the Beatles is that their song titles evolved over time. Here’s a listing from A Hard Day’s Night, released in 1964:
And then Abby Road (1969):
What a difference six years makes!
The earlier songs titles were bland and did nothing to sell their catchy melodies. Looking at the tracklists for all the albums, you can see them gradually evolving, beginning with Rubber Soul which featured “Nowhere Man,” a standout folkish tune in content as well as title, and perhaps influenced by the American rock group The Byrds. (Here’s an article detailing the number of repeated words in Beatles lyrics.)
In 1995 the three surviving Beatles collaborated to finish a vaulted 1977 John Lennon track, “Free as a Bird.” Unfortunately, this title didn’t sound as exciting as the premise behind it. What if Paul, George and Ringo had chosen a different one?
The song titles below were randomgenned from existing titles, lyrics, and subject matter in Beatles songs, and in some alternate universe, give a hint of what could have been.
Lost Beatles Songs
| Lord Judas
All You Need is a Smile Promise Up I’m a Doctor You’re an English Boy The Story of My Shoe Poor Michele Brown Golden Castle Glass Sky Across the Lies Invisible Fool Summer Yellow Garden Darling on a Chain Rubber Man She’s Going to a Party |
Plastic Windows
A Lamp Gently Burning Black Onions Everybody Gets to Ride The Silver Screen of Prudence Penny I’m Only Wondering I’m Looking at Life Without You When I’m Rich Strawberry Snow Black Country Diamonds Your Plasticine Heart Your Blues Can Walk The Universe Shouts Across Her Lips Country as Parliament |
A Real Life Mecha
The “Beetle,” 1961.
This primitive mecha was designed for the US Air Force in the early 1960s to service the nuclear-powered bombers which were then on the drawing board. Needless to say, the nuclear bomber program was cancelled and these monstrosities were not needed after all. Today such work would be done remotely and without a human operator. Despite the smile of the cheesecake blonde those claws were more than capable of tearing her limbs off.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 5/12/21: Druid Magic
As prevalent as druids are in fantasy literature and gaming, very little is known of them from the historical record. What we do know comes from the accounts of the Romans who colonized Europe and Britain. They were famously derisive of the native tribes, seeing them as little more than uncouth barbarians, and also had an axe to grind as, thanks to them, the Empire’s frontiers were never as settled and stable as the Roman emperors hoped them to be. What we do know is this: Druids served as religious, cultural, legal, and medical authorities and held a high rank in Celtic society. Druid training was secret and they kept no written records.
In contemporary fantasy and gaming, druids are considered priests of nature and worship the elements. Here’s some randomgenned spells for them.
Druid Magic
| Heldagara’s Flattering Beard: Druids are known for their rough and ascetic lifestyles which makes their demeanor often ragged and unkempt. This spell cleans and brightens the beard of male druids and arranges it in an attractive way, adding to their charisma.
Heldagara’s Flattering Locks: As the above, but for female druids. Both can be used together for druids with long hair and long beards. Zinstry’s Spinning Leopards: Can a leopard change its spots? This spell causes leopards to rotate so rapidly their spots turn into a striped blur. Mystic Muscle: This special prayer amps the druid’s strength up to 18 while it is being chanted. Barrow to Barrow: A complicated and exacting spell used only by high-level druid leaders, this spell allows instantaneous travel between two or more barrows (xx) for the duration. Barrows must be still in use and fully consecrated for the spell to work. Oakscript: Carves a message or runes of any kind down the length of an oak tree’s trunk. Transform Magma into Seafoam: Useful when trapped by flowing lava. The seafoam also hardens and cools the lava surrounding the area. Transplant Dragon Hide: Strips the hide from a (hopefully deceased) dragon and transfers it to the skin of another creature, allowing them a dragon’s scaly defenses. The transfer is permanent and the hide will grow and maintain itself over the creature’s own skin. Vyvril’s Mild Milk: Makes sour milk drinkable again. Dominate Infant: Human infants are fussy and demanding creatures. This spell ensures they eat, drink, sleep, and defecate on schedule with no surprises. Wring Flesh: A torture spell that makes the victim fell as if their entire body is being twisted between two giant hands like a wet rag. Umberops’ Golden Calm: Induces an instant state of deep meditation for the caster or another. Centipede Cloud: This deadly spell creates a cloud of writhing poisonous centipedes and hurls it in the direction of the target. Attract Parrot: This minor spell will attract birds of the psittacine variety to the caster, even intelligent ones. Concentrate of Universal Refreshing: No matter what ails a creature, this potion will restore and refresh them. It neutralizes poisons, cures sickness, heals wounds, removes curses, and brings any being up to full energy and strength. |
Lost Robot
This eerie, sad-looking robot was designed by NASA in the early 1960s to test the viability of space suits for astronauts. Sadly, it was a failure and never used. But it’s Atompunk design at its most authentic.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 5/5/21: The Best of Twittersnips (B-Movie Madness)
Add an “e” to the end of Arous and you get Arouse. Subliminal advertising?
I have to admit this old poster is pretty creepy, not because of the flying brain with its two beady eyes, but the Satanic face of the child with its filed, oddly spaced teeth. At least, I think it’s a child.
Old, schlocky, crowd-pleasing, over-the-top movies are a special interest of mine, which is why I randomgenned a lot of them. From 2017 – 2020.
Imaginary B-movies
| Martial Arts |
Warrior of the Left Foot Way The Dirty Bodyguards Million Scorpion Revolution Monkey Kick Boy Siege of the Swordmasters |
| Science Fiction |
The Day Planet X Caught Fire Rise of the Venusians |
| Horror |
The Vault Raiser The She-Devil vs. Lucifer Frankenstein’s Cheerleaders Eye of the Wendigo The Zombie that Ate the 5th Dimension Dr. Death vs. Satan Killer Demons from the Pyramids |
| 1960s Exploitation |
Pussycat Ka-Pow! Vampire Love-In from Beyond Satan’s in the Streets The Rider Who Ran to the Demonstration It’s a UFO Orgy, Baby! The Love Bug Game |
| Warhol |
Turn Me On, Hustler |
| Noire |
The Jealous Hour |
| Israeli Comedy |
The Last Schnitzel in Golan Heights |
| Spaghetti Western |
The Last Lemon Tree in Mexico |
Megabibliophobia
.
What do you call the fear of large libraries?
Eclipse Part II, by Jie Ma
I don’t think this place is real, but I’m not sure….
The Library, by Laurent Menabe
Worldbuilding Wednesday 4/28/21: Supermarkets
Supermarket, early 1960s
Supermarket, 1990s
How merchandising has changed. The top view from the 1960s shows inefficient reach-in freezers that wasted energy and pink, pastel signage. Thirty years later, food display centered around kiosks, from which customers selected fresh-prepared offerings for dinner. (The pic is from the now-gone Seattle chain Larry’s Market.) With COVID-19, intimacies such as these are now in the past, and who knows if they are ever coming back?
This illustration from the 1950s is oddly prescient, save the consumers compile their orders from home.
Anyway, back on topic, grocery stores are probably mentioned by name more than any other type of business establishment. “I’m going to Safeway. Need anything?”
These names tend to fall into three categories. First, those named after the founders: Ralph’s, Wegman’s, Albertsons, etc. If the founder is still alive, they will often represent themselves in advertising media.
Then there are the obscure ones, like A&P, an abbreviation of The Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company, which is a mouthful. Two Guys, Piggly Wiggly, Pathmark, Acme, and Publix follow this style. If you didn’t know they were grocery stores, you’d be hard-pressed to figure that out. Acme, through no fault of its own, found itself identified with the supplier of Wile E. Coyote’s malfunctioning roadrunner-catching gadgets.
Then, there are the names easily recognizable as food suppliers, with magic words like fresh, shop, market, and the like, such as Foodland, ShopRite, and QFC (Quality Food Center.) These are the kind I was after here, if you need an imaginary grocery store chain.
Supermarket Chains
| Food Diamond
Star Fresh Freshland FarmersMark City Farmer Rebel Mart Thrifty Fresh Country Box Shopping City Prince Saver Castle Fresh Cart Topper |
Sooper Wolverine
Country Turtle Markdown City Thrift Crazy Sand Dollar Spy Buy Food Ferry Fresh Creek Food Trails Fresh Berry Queens Natural Farm Friend |
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