“What, me worry?”
The Thorn Boy [Review]
The Thorn Boy
by Storm Constantine
Stark House, 2001
Better known as a fantasy novelist, Storm Constantine has also written a surprising number of short stories. This collection, published in 2001, features nine stories set in or around the fictional kingdom of Magravandias, which figures in her Sea Dragon Heir trilogy. The Magravandias world resembles that of Victorian Europe, but without motorized transportation or the Christian faith. It has its own history of, and fascination with, the exotic ancient kingdoms that came before it… fictionalized Orientalism, basically. As such it’s similar to the world the author created for my favorite novel of hers, Sign for the Sacred, which played around with the human concept of belief. That novel delved into what faith meant to the characters within, whether it’s based in organized religion or an obsession with a lover… the latter particularly heartbreaking, as the more invested character warns himself not to love too much or too deeply, for his lover is sure to break his heart. It’s a secular universe, no evidence presented for the supernatural or divine, which to my mind only added to its power. But in Magravandias myths and magical creatures are fact, not fiction, and as such there’s a distinct, stuffy, Edward Gorey feel to it.
Three of the stories, “Spinning for Gold,” “The Nothing Child,” and “Living with the Angel,” are rewrites of fairy tales with gay characters, following a male couple as they meet, marry, and have a child together… not mpreg, but an infant created through magical means. Though containing hallmarks of her later work – devastatingly attractive young men, angels, ritual magic – they are clearly beginner works and read like something you’d find on Wattpad. The endings just kind of stop and don’t build up to anything profound. The author began creating this universe even before her breakout Wraeththu books were published, and the stories show the mark of an earlier hand. Still, they were interesting. What begins as a variation on Rumpelstiltskin turns into a tale of lover’s deceit, then gender transcendence. Two more tales, “The True Destiny of the Heir to Emiraldra” (Tattercoats) and “The Island of Desire” (The Twelve Dancing Princesses) also reference the Grimm Brothers, the latter perhaps the most sophisticatedly, as it was written after all the others.
Cats figure in two of the tales and a reptilian shapeshifter in another. “The Face of Sekt” is about a Cat goddess of the land of Mewt (get it) and how she is tempted by the power of a demon. Another cat story, “My Lady of the Hearth” is surprisingly erotic, high comedy and horror, all at once. It deals with a subject I’m sure many cat owners have contemplated – What if my cat turned into a human? Would they be as I imagined them? Constantine answers that question in a story that takes the trope and makes it uniquely her own, in pseudo-Edwardian prose.
Another story, co-written with Eloise Coquio, is about a different kind of shapeshifter, a reptilian one, who enters a rivalry with – get this – a plant shapeshifter, for the love of a human man. The story surprised me again by being more complicated and adult than I’d expected, and I recommend it.
In my reading I saved what I thought would be the best story for last, “The Thorn Boy.” I swore I had read it before and was looking forward to refreshing my memory, but a couple of hundred words in I realized it was entirely new to me. Turns out I was thinking of another M/M story involving thorns, perhaps one written way back when by the very talented Dusk Peterson. Anyway, I was surprised, and pleasantly it turned out.
The Thorn Boy is more of a novelette than a short story. It’s set in the ancient Magravandian kingdom of Cos, which combines elements of Assyria, Persia, and Babylon. After warring with Mewt, the Egyptian-analogue kingdom, King Alofel takes the defeated Khan’s slave lover, Akaten, as his captive, intending to bed him and add him to his harem of both genders. This news is very disconcerting to Darien, who is currently the King’s favorite. In Cos sex is seen as sacred but not the emotional connection between lovers, so the amount of grief Akaten manifests for his master’s death is both perplexing and fascinating to the court. Ordered to make Akaten feel at home, Darien spitefully grooms his rival for the King’s bed, but then finds himself falling for him. All this plays out as you’d expect, and the ending was devastating. The story was more frankly erotic than Constantine’s usual work, and it actually took me a few days before I got over the story’s impact. Like Sign for the Sacred, it featured gay lovers in a slave/captive situation, a sense of the fatedness of the relationship, and its awkward and dangerous progression. Supremely recommended if you’re already a fan of the author or like M/M.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 2/6/19: Old Dudes from the Bible

The Choristers, by James Tissot
No matter how you feel about God, you have to admit the Bible contains a lot of interesting proper names. Some are used today, like David and Joshua; others belong to previous centuries, like Uriah and Nimrod. Some, like Chushanrishathaim, may never be popular at all. But they fairly easy to imitate, which is what I’ve done here.
As a plus, these will also work well for Wraeththu characters.
Biblical Dudes
Jonaan
Uabbas Emerieh Zoseth Bechudbath Sathath Shidazar Ebedai Lephias Shegrab Bidram Shoduel Jelieh Aijiah Thosphias Oabaz Retaph Lahaddon Ghizoadicus Shizath |
Inhoab
Jurashaph Roshaddon Zadethnath Haphaud Shocharieh Hethoab Ninuphias Shiphael Gelothus Haachabas Zalaeus Jojarieh Mohaccus Githnezeer Rusabbas Uthmail Jaram Ojon Beshodius |
Year of the Pig – 2019
(Artwork by sarasai-d)
In Chinese culture, pigs represent wealth, rather than filth and laziness as is common in the Western world. People born in the year of the pig are generous, charity-minded, social, friendly, and have a zest for life. Not too bad for the last sign of the Chinese zodiac!
Abandonment
Who abandoned this androgynous statue in the lake? And why?
Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/30/19: Pokemon

Garchomp, by Arvalis (DeviantArt)
Pokemon (short for Poketto Monsuta, Japanese for Pocket Monsters) began life as a video game originally designated for the Nintendo Gameboy. Its creator, Satoshi Tajiri, was inspired by his childhood hobby of collecting insects. Throughout Pokemon’s tenure as a video game, trading card, manga, anime, and now, cell phone app, the theme of creature collection, training, and combat matches has remained the same. The original creatures designed by artist Ken Sugimori have been added on over the years, so 809 of them are available now, in different generations.
Despite their deadly powers, most of the creatures have a sweet, childlike look, a legacy from Satoshi’s original conception. Some fan artists, however, have taken to depicting them as “real” animals, such as the illustration of Garchomp above. (The original Garchomp is here.) Such retcons take pokemons into the realm of recent kaiju movies, such as Pacific Rim.
Traditionally, pokemon names are childlike as well – Flaafy, Hoothoot, Jumpluff and Sneasel, to name a few – and it is this quality I attempted to randomgen here.
Pokemon Names
Puffalina
Dazodel Mozlum Eswop Goombrox Vopaliron Jachin Blastrin Muspaw Bundzin Helspoon Zussel Astrumax Ventacle Varsquatch Moscheed Leozink |
Yarodis
Pavanel Orlasma Oochand Hulsanka Birahit Gorsauris Flarpcleeve Wirka Gallimoth Finsclar Spondaharp Aspozink Yaprion Brathrut Yammosid Segenfang |
Sick Snow Queen
Here’s a different take on the classic Snow Queen story. What if she was ill, and needed Kay’s lifeblood to survive?
Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/23/19: Ice Cream Flavors

Charcoal flavored ice cream
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
Fifty years ago, when you walked into a grocery store, you did not see the many flavors of ice cream available these days. No, fifty years ago, there was only chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, or all three of them packaged together, in a cardboard box striped like the Mexican flag, in a flavor known as Neapolitan. You might also see Butterbrickle, Maple Nut, or Pistachio if you were lucky. Exoticness then was strictly for sherbets.
When Chocolate Chip ice cream was introduced to the masses in the mid-1970s, it was a like gift from God. Followed soon by Chocolate Fudge Ripple and Chocolate Mint, the stage was set for ice cream flavors to diversify fully. When boutique ice cream came along with Haagen Daz and Ben and Jerrys, well, things never were the same again. No longer was one confined to dull Neapolitan at birthday parties where one had to leave the Strawberry serving untouched on one’s paper plate.
Since that revolution, a second one has happened in which flavors unimaginable before are being concocted in boutique stores like the Portland chain Salt and Straw, which boasts flavors like Beecher’s Cheese with Peppercorn Toffee. Independent ice cream shops have coming out with flavors like Sweet Corn, Honey Lavender, and Whiskey Maple Bacon for a while now, and all this isn’t even considering the Japanese market, in which flavors like Squid Ink and Cedar Hot Tub are sold as delicacies.
Need a spur of the moment ice cream flavor? Here are some.
Ice Cream Flavors
Mangosteen Raspberry
Cherry Margarita Spiced Heath Bar Crunch Goji Berry Green Tea Apple Strudel Macadamia Nut Coffee Peanut Butter Rum Butter Gelato Baked Butterfinger Pudding Spiced Peach Schnappes Sweet and Sour Basil Ice Honey Black Cherry Cantalope-Fig Shave Ice Ginger Papaya Sherbet Macadamia Nut Brittle Milkshake Cucumber-Ginger Sherbet Rum Almond Irish Creme Gingerbread Salted Cashew Crunch Creme de Menthe S’mores Nutty Malted Milk Cookie Crust Gingersnap Fennel Espresso Southern Brazil Nut Birthday Cake Lime Ginger Shave Ice Amaretto Roast Chestnut Cashew Wafer Italian Walnut Poppyseed Cookie Crumb Salted Caramel |
Pina Colada Tea Biscuit
Espresso Cream Cheese Lemongrass Italian Ice Apple Lavender American Diner Cinnamon Roll Salted Hazelnut Truffle Crunchy Sugarplum Stripe Dark Chocolate Oatmeal Cookie Sweetmint Torte Alaskan Chocolate Rumble Sweet Cappuccino Delight Baked Blackberry Strudel English Lemon Curd Confetti Hot Cocoa Eggnog Guinness n’ Lime Almond Gooseberry Sour Cherry Clotted Cream Pecan Cake Batter French Vanilla Truffle Kentucky Bourbon Mochi Ball Peppercorn Cheddar Vanilla Bean Honey Pudding Lemon Thyme Cheesecake Mocha Mascarpone White Chocolate Lemon Curd Black Tea Brownie Chocolate Hibiscus Candy |