This looks like a horrific clip from Terry Gilliam’s dystopian spoof movie Brazil, but it’s a photo of actual Chinese firefighters wearing special chemical-resistant suits.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/5/22: Ladies of Arthurian Romance
Detail of God Speed, by Edmund Leighton (1900)
The women of King Arthur’s Court did not go on grand quests like the men did, but for their comparatively fewer numbers, they were big drivers of the plots. In the most familiar version of the Camelot story, Guinevere cheats on Arthur with Sir Lancelot, creating a major conflict; likewise, Morgan le Fay, Arthur’s half-sister, has a one-night stand with him, birthing his illegitimate, incestuous son, Mordred, who becomes Arthur’s downfall. Vivien (sometimes known as Nimue or Ninianne) was a beautiful sorceress who was generous enough to give Arthur a sword, but later became the downfall of Merlin when the old wizard’s sexual pursuit began to annoy her. Other characters are Igraine, who was Arthur’s mother, and Morgause and Elaine, his sisters.
Like the knights, many ladies in chivalric romance were referred to by sobriquets. Vivien was known as The Lady of the Lake, and Elaine, The Lily Maid of Astolat and The Lady of the Pale Hands. The latter sounds odd and horrific to us today, but in Medieval times, having pale hands meant a woman did not have to work at rough labor in the field, which meant she was a highbred lady of quality.
Other ladies might be compared to flowers or jewels. Some were referred to by a certain item of dress, like C. S. Lewis’ character pastiche The Lady of the Green Kirtle in The Silver Chair, or even by what they lacked (The Beautiful Lady Without Mercy.)
The world can always use more Medieval ladies, so here’s a list.
Ladies of Arthur’s Court
| Angrova of the Languid Neck
Lady Bleona Lady Ulrynne Lady Pelleviene of the Virgin Lips Lady Ouidna The Lonely Maid of Plumford Queen Sigthra Anvienne the Pure Eldenore of the Golden Tower Amadabella, the Lady without a Heart The Dark Lady of Withywood Lady Claudana Maid of the White Arms The Maiden of the Golden Slippers The Maiden of the Iron Hood Beldisoma Long-Hair The Pallid Maid Of Pursewood Lady Sigraine Lady Damvra Lady Glestrice Queen Urna The Prideful Queen Murriana Saint Agnelyn of the Burnt Bosom Yglieve of the Winter Hair Saint Salgriana of the Gentle Panther Brandwynn, The Lioness of Graffich Henriana of the Dark Ruby Luthsona, The Faithful Rose Lyonriana, The Maiden Without Guile Lady Blandnes Hetwynd the Pale |
Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/29/21: Twittersnips 2021 (Spells and Magic Items)
This year, I structured my worldbuilding tweets differently. I stuck to spells and magical items for fantasy gaming, and the response was good. The magic ranged from the practical and logical (Amulet of the Whippet) to the elaborate (Curse of the Necromancer’s Feet) to the flagrantly useless (Sunshine’s Color-Changing Plum). Here’s the complete list.
2021 Spells
Actor Sleep: Causes anyone performing in a play to fall asleep on stage, embarrassing them greatly. Can also be used by an actor to simulate sleep for a certain role.
Afneil’s Fur Cleanse: Cleans the fur of any creature, including magical ones, as well as items and clothing made of fur.
Anchor Ash: Anything within a circle formed by this magical ash cannot be removed by magic.
Angeline’s Glorious Set of Horns
Angeline’s Glorious Set of Horns: Gives the caster a large, polished, impressive-looking set of horns that would set any fae being to envy. Adds +2 to Charisma as well. (Depending on the ingredients, horns may be from deer, sheep, antelope, or cattle.)
Ashvage’s Tender Wave: Softens the crash of a huge wave or tsunami so it doesn’t hurt creatures or structures.
Badger and Blister: Creates an invisible force that intermittently – and when least expected – pinches, slaps, and pushes the victim, as well as creating small blisters on exposed skin as if live coals have been thrown at them.
Baleful Polymorph: Enchants a creature to transform into its opposite.
Banish Mangled Boots: Makes a pair of beat-up, worn-out boots disappear forever (even magic ones).
Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/22/21: The Best of Twittersnips (Christmas)
Noel and Helga, the Christmas Eve Narwhals, frolic across a COVID mask
I love randomizing Christmas things. Carols, scented candles, and various mascots (Rudolph, et. al) are all open to various possibilities. Here’s a list of the ones I posted on Twitter 2019 – 2020.
Oh, and if someone can point me to where I can buy Joyce the Three-Nosed Doll, let me know!
A Merry Twitter Christmas
| Christmas Carols |
A Fireplace and a Pine Log A Silent Candy Cane Caress Give a Bright Gift of Mittens to Your Friends Hossanah Holy Christmas Tree I Saw the Grinch Kissing Frosty the Snowman Let’s Lick a Midnight Candy Cane Merry Christmas (The Silver Reindeer Sing) Narrow Trails of Silver Thistles The Lord Is Coming Above Us |
| Christmas Characters |
Arthur the Winter Angel Buddy and Chrissie, the Merry Flying Squirrels Hans the Hungry Reindeer Jingles the Happy Hedgehog Joyce the Three-Nosed Doll (sent to the Isle of Misfit Toys) Noel and Helga, the Christmas Eve Narwhals Sleighbell, the Blues-Singing Swan |
| Christmas Scents |
Blackberry and Candy Cane By the Comforting Fireside Christmas Mahogany Ho-Ho Aloe New Sweater and English Shortbread Cookies Santa’s Hot Tub Warm Polished Country Mantel White Poinsettia |
Hurray for Mrs. Claus
Mrs. Claus is a second-string character in the annual Christmas story, behind Santa himself, his elves, and his reindeer. She is usually depicted as elderly, smiling dispenser of cookies. Except when she’s not. In the pic above she’s a vicious ax murderer (in advertising art for the Christmas horror flick Mrs. Claus) while below, she’s in the midst of a crime caper with her hubby.
You’ve heard of the black-eyed kids? Well these figures below are black-eyed Santas. If they should ring your doorbell in the dead of night, don’t answer it. They’ll drag away to some frozen hell where you’ll spend eternity varnishing poorly made wooden toys.
Alternately, Mrs. Claus is suffering from dementia (which accounts for her blank stare) and Santa, none too clear-headed himself, is leading her around by the arm.
Other times, Mrs. Claus gets to be a tattooed bikini babe or rubber vixen. Santa may take on many ghoulish guises, but only Mrs. Claus gets to be sexualized.
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This isn’t to say, though, that she is free from Christmas horror or tweeness. The stuffed toy above, with its painted-on wrinkles and fused, mitten-like hand, is certainly disturbing, bringing to mind tales of Lobster Boy.
Then there’s this doll with its drop-dead glare.
In the Rankin-Bass stop-motion Christmas special Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, which purports to be the (entirely fictional) true story of how Santa Claus came to be, Mrs. Claus starts out as a blonde schoolteacher named Jessica. She falls in love with Kris Kringle (the future Santa) and even gets to sing a song of her own in the special. Later, she springs Kris from his jail cell in the vaguely Germanic town where they both live and runs away with him to the North Pole.
In contrast to pure-hearted Jessica, this Mrs. Claus looks like she’s up to something. Perhaps she’s planning a fling with the handsome male elf in charge of foddering the reindeer.
Look how tiny she is here compared to her huge-headed husband! Clearly she was his child bride. The strain of being married to him has, over the years, collapsed her shoulders, and she looks heavenward with eyes closed in pain.
Appealing or creepy? You decide. I think she looks a tad too simian.
Art by Red2870
“Lick my foot” said Mrs. Claus.
Santa’s having way too much fun in this motorized rocking chair that is being pushed by Mrs. Claus.
Photographer Cindy Sherman hams it up in this portrait of an about-to-vomit Mrs. Claus who looks like she pushed her left hand right into that cake on her knee.
Also inspired by fine art, this boxlike Christmas couple look like they’re been designed by artist Marisol Escobar. I almost said Louise Nevelson, but corrected myself.
And this one, Marc Chagall.
And if you want to create your own Mrs. Claus, her heads are in the middle.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/15/21: Knights of the Round Table
Like the origin and location of Camelot, the number and names of The Knights of the Round Table varied with who was telling the story. Some writers went with a dozen, others, a cast of hundreds. All of them came with their own extensive backstory, sometimes featuring each other as cousins, sons, lieges, or squires, the relationships convoluted. Modern retellings stick to the best known: Sirs Lancelot, Galahad, Percival, Tristan, Kay, and Sir Gawain and his foe, The Green Knight.
The knights were headquartered at Camelot and the round table was created so no one man counted higher than another, as he would if he sat at the head of a traditional table. In the early years of Arthur’s reign the knights kept the kingdom in peace and, later, went on the quest for the Holy Grail, the chalice used at Christ’s Last Supper.
The names of the knights tended to sound French, which was no surprise as the first chivalric romances were written in French by Chrétien de Troyes. But the origins of some of those names were from Welsh and British myth, Chrétien merely Francophiling them, in a way.
Anyway, what’s a few more knights to add to the mix?
Other Knights of the Round Table
| Sir Bleonor of the Blue Apple
Sir Luthelant of Spearcomb Pallgant the White Knight Sir Peiravaine Sir Boreius Sir Salgavene Sir Murois of the Amethyst Rose Sir Brandhault of Millkaster Sir Lactavale Friar Glesmere The Hermit of Kingswood Sir Pastrivaine the Dignified Sir Triesnor Sir Blamisvere |
Edulreeve the Scarlet Duke
Saint Bedaeus Sir Lyravaunt King Gandybor Sir Peiris the Fat Sir Sisgrede of the White Moors Sir Hectorlarke Sir Umrieth Sir Embrynant Alymder of the Wood Squire Jolenor the Valiant Pendimont the Rapt Sir Anelraise the Red Knight Sir Murishault the Eager |
Alien Mrs. Claus
It’s wearing a skirt, so it must be the Mrs!
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