The Fates’ Strange Fate

We used to be The Three Fates, until Lachesis unleashed her inner Dominatrix.

 

Worldbuilding Wednesday 5/23/18: Eurospy

Operazione Poker, a Eurospy film

The Cold War just got hotter. Typical poster (note the Sean Connery look-alike) for a Eurospy film.

In the early 1960s James Bond was the coolest fictional character ever. He weathered life-threatening situations with humor and aplomb, handled fisticuffs as well as martinis and expensive suits, and was always able to bed beautiful women. Dr. No, released in 1964, inspired a whole trend of spy movies and parodies of spy movies, like Casino Royale (1967) and Doris Day’s The Glass Bottom Boat. Such movies drew from their cultural roots in the Cold War and rendered its very real dangers into fantasy. The U.S. had knock-off secret agents Matt Helm, Flint, and Napoleon Solo, and the Europeans a whole subgenre of cheaply produced, exploitive — and thus terribly fun — movies known collectively as Eurospy. (The Glorious Trash pulp fiction site reviews a bunch of them here.)

Characters in Eurospy films were always running from one country to another and referencing obscure Cold War people, places, and things. If you’re writing a historical thriller set in those times, a parody, or a spy spoof, here’s some randomly generated creations you can use.

Eurospy Names

FRANCE

Parembrys

Osseilles

Chegboux

Gruyrobles

 

RUSSIA

Kuniv

Vosdrozh

Ulskygrod

Pelyabinsk

 

SPAIN

Rudras

Murmad

Igoza

Palananca

ENGLAND

Wistonden

Chesscastle

Liverwood

Stousetint

 

NETHERLANDS

Imsverdam

Drusjfels

Untwerth

Unydhoven

 

CZECHOSLOVAKIA

Schagia

Vnodzka

Znojri

Plebyrny

GERMANY

Ruthenhofft

Viermaisse

Brumbergnen

Gürlin

 

FINLAND

Hjarinki

Sjasa

Peinajika

Soesjoki

 

TURKEY

Aurasymky

Issayul

Byapsari

Zamukallu

Aliens

Ecstasy of the deepest kind.

Worldbuilding Wednesday 5/16/18: Plague and Pestilence

Plague Doctor, by ChainclawofBloodClan

Many fantasies are set in a never-never-land of times gone by. Usually it’s Medieval Europe. But the Roman Empire, Bronze Age Britain, and Dynastic Egypt also get their times in the sun. All have one thing in common: the dearth of plagues. Which, admittedly, are hard to incorporate into uplifting adventure stories. They’re depressing, and tend to kill a lot of people, characters included, and thus derail plots and quests.

Diseases are easier to find as local color or plot devices. John Norman’s Gor series had a leprosy-like disease called Dar-Kosis, and Harry Potter, Dragon Pox. Grayscale features in George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series.

Should you need a quaintly named disease, plague or pestilence for plot purposes, here’s a randomly generated list of them.

Plagues

The Brown Wasting

Putrid Croup

Scratchpphleg

Black Ptomordis

Grim Pox

Agfulo

Red Colic

Heartblind

Brown Scurvinia

Black Choke

Spotted Chrothenia

Sprondophy

Wheat Hives

Scarlet Twitch

Blue Septis

Crock Hives

Bulbsy

Pule Ague

Camp Death

Yellow Rot

Sprondopsy

Agenza

Laughing Boils

Black Cerewad

Dog’s Eye Effluvia

Cyanlera

Herpenza

Ditch Grippe

Dancing Parula

Screaming Spasms

Softbones

Blue Chromordis

Gringopsy

Dyspraxis

Sponge Pox

Speckled Plague

Ureacropsy

Centipede Curse

Rotting Fever

Land Flux

Thin Plague

Dragon Catarrh

Rotting Canker

Catchscrat

Scrotflora

Red Malaise

Blood Fever

Liver Cramps

Scarlet Blindness

Summer Contagion

Scrotthae

Paraenza

White Chill

Brown Cropsy

Wooden Figures

Daphne’s curse was sometimes extended to both sexes.

Worldbuilding Wednesday 5/9/18: The Wild West

I’m going to guess this cowgirl just busted her bare-chested (but chaps-wearing) boyfriend out of a Mexican jail.

Yippee-ki-yay! The Western is a uniquely American form of cinema and literature taking its plot, characters, and setting from the American Old West in the years 1850 to 1900. Cowboys (and cowgirls) ride horses, bear rifles and revolvers, and often live a nomadic life drifting through small towns, ranches, saloons, and military forts in the arid, dry landscapes west of the Rio Grande. Common themes are pursuing justice, solving crimes, or searching for treasure or missing loved ones. Westerns were popular up to the 1960s, but fell out of favor as America catapulted itself into the space age. In recent years, there’s been a resurgence as classic plots are refreshed for a more cynical and irreverent age. Steampunk, for example, draws as much from Old West style and technology as from Victorian Age England; the terribly written, but sumptuously art directed, Will Smith movie Wild Wild West, with its giant steam-powered tarantula and floofy dance-hall costumes for the villain’s henchwomen, was a seminal influence.

If you’re writing a Western but are stumped for names, here’s some you can use.

Wild West Names

COWBOYS AND COWGIRLS

Irma Wells

Pearl King

Frank Hawk

Chicken Dinner Katie

Johnny Ten Feathers

Samuel Savage

Whiskey Emmeline

One-Shot Hezekiah

Henry Carver

Hank Laplante

Two Dollar Kitty

Birdie McClancy

Rusty Savage

Dutch McMurphy

TOWNS AND SETTLEMENTS

Gypsy Well

Cokeville

Antelope Path

Horsehead City

Devil’s Mile

Sunday Skillet Junction

Cowboy Coffee

Pronghorn Nose

Dog Path

Black Hawk Township

Buzzard Foot

White Horse City

Gringo Pueblo

Mule Spirit

PLACES

Happy Papoose Ridge

Chinaman Flats

Red Elk Falls

The Devil’s Frying Pan

Thunderbird Spring

Blackbird Summit

Twenty Mile Canyon

Iron Ore Gully

Fool’s Gold Mesa

The Axe Handle Trail

Rattlesnake Heaven

Mormon Ford

Quagmire Spring

White Antelope Valley

Those Greek Kids

My, what a nice cock you have.

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda [Review]

Simon vs. The Homo Spaiens Agenda

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda

by Becky Albertalli
Balzer + Bray, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers, 2015 

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda was one of the happiest books I’ve read this year. Recently released as a movie, it originally came out in 2015, earning a well-deserved place on YA must-read lists for its depiction of a gay protagonist.

It’s also the best use of first person present I’ve read so far.

Simon, a young man starting his junior year of high school, has a trio of close friends, a loving family, and is generally secure about his life save for one thing — he is gay but hasn’t told anyone yet. (Amusingly, he discovered he was gay by crushing on Daniel Radcliff’s portrayal of Harry Potter.) The only one who knows is a mysterious poster, also gay, on his school’s website forum whom he calls Blue; as the two correspond Simon develops a crush on him as well as the desire to meet.

It’s lightweight stuff, but surprisingly deep. There’s musings about growing up in general and having one’s understanding of the world deepen – discovering hidden sides to others as they mature and grow beyond stereotypes, and gradually Simon’s waking up occurs as well. In his world coming out is not the tension-fraught horror it would have been in a 1970s or 80s book, as Simon’s friends and family are liberal and accepting. It’s that he doesn’t want all the fuss, and perhaps, the work of growing up that comes with it. He also develops real feelings for Blue and there’s a lot of comedy as he tries to discover who Blue really is.

There’s also a subplot in that the class clown is blackmailing him because he knows of Blue’s and Simon’s secret exchanges – in return for keeping quiet, he wants Simons help in breaking the ice with his own crush, one of Simon’s female friends. In keeping with the sweet nature of the book, the blackmail is not of the thuggish or leering variety, but of the “Hey, let’s do a guy a favor” sort. Simon resents it, but it’s also made clear to the reader that these are basically nice kids.

It’s an introspective book. Nothing terrible happens around the coming-out theme; the worst is some jeering at a school musical Simon’s performing in that is quickly dealt with by the teacher. But it was very profound, mostly because of the author’s voice. Simon is one of those rare books where a YA first person present POV is done well, in that I believe a real character is talking to me, and not a mouthpiece of the author’s to lend “immediacy” but winds up reading like a screenplay with I’s subbed in for third person pronouns. Simon’s POV is limited and since he doesn’t care about playing to his audience, he leaves us much to infer about his life. For example, he’s is involved in a school production of Oliver! but doesn’t describe the plot to us, just that there’s Fagin and orphans and music. This was very refreshing to me compared to books like Red Queen and Children of Blood and Bone, where it’s clear the narrator is a stand-in for the author who’s pulling the strings to set the scene. Simon is not trying to manipulate us for tension and stakes. These flow out naturally from what he says and how he feels.

Also refreshingly, Simon doesn’t gasp, grunt, guzzle, heave for breath, or describe other physiological responses ad infinitum as first person present writers also tend to do.

If there is a weakness to the book, it’s that Simon’s situation is all rather sanguine. There’s realism there, but nothing nasty. I’d could be I’m just projecting, though. Teens of the 2010s enjoy a different familial situation than the ones of the 1960s and 1970s, where children were often pitted against parents and expected to become independent and get away from them as soon as possible.

A sweet read, and worth doing so just for examining the technique of a YA writer who GOT IT RIGHT.