The Sultan of the Doggoman Empire has a special harem consisting entirely of husky dogs.
The creatures are pampered in every way.
Going to the baths is always a fun activity.
So is dancing.
Of course, from time to time they simply observe the goings-on of the world outside. And add their occasional bark.
(All pics AI art)
by Richard Dyer
Routledge, 1997
I had picked this book for last year’s reading challenge because of its one-word title. I read it then, but was too busy to write a review, so I’m going to do it now… the caveat being the book challenge is over.
(I finally realized why I’ve been doing so poorly at these challenges. I balk at reading assigned books because it feels like homework, even if I pick the books myself. That takes all the pleasure out of for me.)
White was a groundbreaker in its time (1997) because it was the first sociological nonfiction book about the media representation of white people, by white people, in Western culture, mainly movies. (Yes I know White as a race is an abstract only and doesn’t really exist in a scientific sense. You could make the argument, too, that it doesn’t exist outside of Western civilization either. But as nebulous as the concept is the idea of being “White” is still hanging around today, in 2026, in America at least where it is being laudified by certain right-wing groups. ) Though published almost 30 years ago the book is still relevant today, especially so considering how some politicians and tech-bros are trying to persuade (white) women to have more (white) babies to prevent the (white) “race” from dying out. Which is, according to Dyer, nothing new. It ties into ideas about dirt and cleanliness, colonialism, and Catholicism. It’s thoughtful college thesis stuff with some ugly truths, more of an academic work than a pop science one.
The first section serves as an introduction while the second and third examines how the idea of whiteness is handled in visual media, first paintings, then photography and movies. There’s a lot of fascinating stuff in the former chapter about how lighting and makeup was developed to make white faces “pop” off the screen and seem to glow. One could imagine how different the techniques would be if Nollywood, not Hollywood, rose to prominence first, necessitating techniques to highlight black faces. The White face glows in the light, the Black one absorbs; but what if the position and quality of lighting had been invented for the latter?
There’s also a wonderful chapter on 1950s and 1960s sword n’ sandal movies and how they relation to facism, colonialism, and the working class, which strays from the concept of whiteness quite a bit but is interesting nonetheless, and a last chapter analyzing race in the British series The Jewel in the Crown which I can’t help but feel was filler.
Overall the book was not an easy read but it is a rewarding one.
The Sense of Smell, by Philippe Mercier (detail)
When I was in high school I got into playing Dungeons and Dragons. This was the very first edition – two or three flimsy books that were stapled together, not bound, which came with a set of dice and some graph paper. I got it at Sears which shows you how long ago that was.
After I graduated DnD became AD&D and expanded and expanded greatly with hardback guides, campaign sets, and brand new universes to explore, one of which was the elemental planes: water, fire, air, and earth. I had never heard of categorizing creatures and magic in that way and thought it was pretty neat. Some fantasy novels of the time used Four Element magic as well, such as Diana Paxton’s Westria series, which was set in a post-Holocaust California (specifically, the Bay area) where Medievalism has made a resurgence. Again I thought, How clever!
Decades later, Four Element magic is everywhere, and I bet every neophyte fantasy writer thinks like I did, that it’s startlingly original.
Sadly, no. Japanese Tokusatsu and anime shows, Magic the Gathering type card games, even children’s toys have been classifying their magic systems by elements for decades. In 2026, look at the latest in James Cameron’s Avatar franchise, as well as the other Avatar, The Last Airbender. Sometimes there’s a difference, like using the Asian element system instead of the Western one, or adding a power or two, like Spirit or Electricity. But it’s still the same idea.
So, I suppose it’s time to put this trope to bed, at least in terms of designing a magic system around it.
How else can magic powers be classified? How about around the Five Senses?
In this series I’ll run with that idea, starting with some magic spells and items relating to Smell. (The above painting portrays this with French courtiers sniffing melons and flowers.)
| Spells | Bloomburst: Causes nearby flowers to release their strongest and most powerful fragrances.
Nose of the Rhinoceros: Curses the recipient with a wide, wrinkled, oversized, disfiguring nose that has a horn on the end of it (that can’t be used for attack or defense.) However, their sense of smell becomes very keen. Olfactory Obliteration: Destroys all sense of smell of any creature within a 100’ radius for the length of the spell. (NOTE: Related to Visual, Tactile, and Audial Obliteration.) Scentlock: Cast on a regular lock, the spell causes it to open only by exposure to a certain odor. Stew of Serenity: Causes a bubbling pot of stew to emit a calming odor to everyone in its vicinity, causing hostile creatures to forestall attacking. Nose of the Ranger: This spell lifts the target’s scent perception to that of a ranger of equal level. |
| Magic Items |
Aromamancer: A type of specialized magic-user that specializes in scent magic, enchanted perfumes and olfactory illusions. (I’ll get more into this later.)
Jispella’s Noisome Missal: This cursed item looks like a book of prayers to any cleric who sees it. But when they open it, a stinking cloud of a thousand farts emerges from the pages. Kaaras’s Soap: Makes the user smell like their environment after bathing, so tracking them by scent is impossible. It’s pale pink and comes in a glass jar. Liszma’s Olfatory Lens: When peered through the user is able to see scent trails as colored wisps trailing through the air. Odor Compass: This ornate dial with a red arrow points its owner to the source of a certain scent in the air. Perfume Prism: Does for scents what an ordinary prism does for light. The prism breaks down the scent into its own unique spectrum which can be recreated in an alchemist’s lab by a skilled perfumer. Spray of Nasal Clarity: This glass bottle of pale liquid has an atomizer on top like a perfume bottle. When sprayed around, everyone in a 10’ diameter will feel their nostrils and nasal passages clear and sharpen, enabling them to better detect any odors. Statue of Foul Breath: A lovely life-sized marble statue in the Greek style which can be of either gender. When adventurers pass it by its head emits an awful odor of halitosis, causing those companions to accuse each other of poor hygiene. |
The Comb of the Chameleon can completely change its owner’s hairdo
My favorite magic items of the year 2025 from my X feed.
Bell of Freedom and Captivity: When struck once, this bell will free prisoners from confinement. Rung twice, it will put them back into whatever confinement they left.
The Cape of Un-bearable Deflection modeled by a Dwarven warrior king
Cape of Un-bearable Deflection: Made from the shaggy brown fur of a giant bear, this cape grants +2 to the wearer’s AC and deflects up to 6 hit points of blunt weapon damage per round.
Catalog of Lamentable Faces: This cursed item looks like a sketchbook full of skillfully drawn, but ugly, human faces. If anyone looks at the whole thing their own face becomes just as ugly (-8 on comeliness.)
Ginger Hunter: A legendary orange gem that glows brightly when a natural redhead is near, allowing these individuals to be tracked or discovered.
Journal of Carafe and Coffin: A slim volume, published yearly, for good-aligned necromancers. It contains community news, possible quests, and a spell or two.
The Lamp of the Minotaur glows a pale yellowish green
Lamp of the Minotaur: When lit, it allows the holder to successfully navigate any sort of dark maze.
Moonmead: A type of alcoholic beverage brewed by druids that calms restless spirits when poured as an offering before their tomb.
Pamphlet of Instant Embarrassment: No one can say, exactly, what the text in this cursed paper item says, but whoever reads it will flush bright red and want to hide.
Ring of Introversion: Causes the wearer to become quiet, soft-spoken, and secretive. A good or bad thing, you decide. Made of braided silver wire set with a cube of petrified wood.
Ring of Three Legs: This ring is made of silver and resembles three naked human legs entwined together. Its purpose is to improve stamina. Whoever wears it can walk, run, or stand one-third longer than they ordinarily would.
Rudgill’s Magic Pen: Draws the day’s adventures in cartoon form, on any media the owner provides. Requires magic ink, such as that from a Kraken, to use.
Tassie’s Mocking Mask
Tassie’s Mocking Mask: A stereotypical Greek theater mask that mimics the target’s voice and mannerisms, causing discord and disorientation.
The Chameleon Comb: Changes the color, texture, and length of the owner’s hair into whatever the person desires, as long as the user chants “Kamma-kamma-kamma-kamma” while combing their tresses.
The Solar Logs of Granthia: Compiled by the High Priests over many centuries, these books enable any Druid to predict a future eclipse.
Trousers of the Werewolf: This cursed item makes the wearer’s legs as dark and hairy as a werewolf’s. Note some people may actually want this transformation.
The Ungrateful Hero spell can turn the most powerful wizard into a moping recluse.
My favorite magic spells of the year 2025 from my X feed.
Anti-exotic Eyes: Changes a human’s eye color from gemlike or unique (purple, emerald, etc.) to an ordinary brown.
Drachenrippe spell
Drachenrippe: Also known as Dragon Ribs. Makes the recipient’s torso incredibly strong and sturdy with an AC of 3 (excluding any armor they wear.)
Endless Wagons: Makes a caravan of 3 or more wheeled vehicles appear as 12 or more, depending on the mage’s level. The illusion includes sight, smell, and auditory components.
Flotilla of the Forest: This powerful spell creates up to ten simple watercraft (rafts, canoes, etc.) out of wood found in the caster’s locale. Must be cast amongst a large group of trees.
Generate Relaxing Sound: Memorizing spells can be difficult in a noisy chaotic situation. This spell creates a white noise background for the caster so they can concentrate.
Gray is Good: Nudges a character toward neutrality if they are good or evil.
Hex of the Harshlight: Makes everyone surrounding the target judge their last action or decision in the most negative light.
Increase Bystanders spell
Increase Bystanders: Attracts passersby to an event taking place on the street, like an accident, performance, speech, or crime.
Lucent Horizen: Always the caster to know exactly what is on the horizon at the limits of sight, even if it’s hazy or unclear.
Mental Providence: Makes the recipient feel they have special protection of the gods (but they really don’t.) Can result in either brave or foolhardy behavior.
Multiply Friendship: When the caster makes a new friend, this spell makes the friends of that beings friends of the caster as well.
The neku-neku spell is always a hit at costume balls
Neku-neku: Cantrip that creates the illusion of cat ears on a humanoid’s head.
Somber Skeleton: This spell is used to protect the dead (but NOT undead.) Anyone who sees the remains will become very quiet and respectful and walk on by leaving them alone.
Stealthy Meal: Lets the caster eat quickly and without notice from others.
Tenacious Tale: When cast on a work of fiction, this ensures the reader will remember the story in detail for up to six months.
Ungrateful Hero: Causes a high-level character to whine “I just want to be normal like everyone else” and reject their hard-earned abilities.
Wingwrite: If a mage is in need of a pen, this spell nabs a suitable feather from the wing of any large bird that is passing by.
Wondrous Green Whispering: Lets a mage grow or heal plants by merely whispering to them.
Oz author L. Frank Baum
Clement Moore’s version of Santa’s reindeer team was not the only one. Children’s author L. Frank Baum, known for his Oz series, offered a competing version: A team of ten (!) named Flossie and Glossie, Racer and Pacer, Reckless and Speckless, Fearless and Peerless, and Ready and Steady. The names used a rhyming, alliterative style similar to Moore’s, reflecting the salient characteristics of their owners. They were featured in Baum’s imaginative Santa Claus biography, The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus, in which Baum states Santa was a foundling who was raised by a wood nymph. But in the end it was Moore’s version that stuck in public consciousness, not Baum’s.
The book is in public domain and you can read it here on Gutenberg.com, along with a short story, “The Kidnapping of Santa Claus.” Look up the covers of the latter (it’s freely printed, as it’s also in public domain) and you’ll find Santa in a number of lurid bondage situations.
Over the years other reindeer have been added to the mix if not to the team.
The 1964 Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer added Rudolph, of course, but also a young deer called Fireball who is his rival and a female reindeer, Clarice, who served as a love interest. (Clarice had a mother who was a character, but she wasn’t named.) There’s a scene in which Rudolph and Fireball are training to make Santa’s team that year, which implies that the team changes composition every Christmas; Moore’s lineup was but one of many. It’s an interesting idea that isn’t carried further. Santa, of course, is immortal, but since the reindeer couple off and have offspring, they are not, and when a team member can’t make the cut anymore, he is replaced.
(I say “he” because only male reindeer make up the team. Which may have been par for the course for 1964 sexual norms, but also shows the zoological ignorance of the writer(s) — not only male reindeer have horns, females can sport them as well, depending on the reindeer subspecies. So there’s no reason half the team, or all of it, couldn’t be female.)
Another version of Rudolph appeared in 1998. The story was similar in that he is mocked for his nose and runs away, but otherwise the story goes in a different direction. In this one the rival is Arrow and the love interest, Zoey. Another female deer is named Mitzi. Again the team are all male.
If we run with reindeer naming conventions from the Rudolph universe, male deer are given bold, active, masculine names, and females, human female ones. That Rudolph breaks the mold for a male reindeer name is a head-scratcher and adds to his rather sissified status. (Robert L. May, Rudolph’s creator, considered naming him the more macho-sounding Rollo.)
Other reindeer from modern media are Bobtail, Thrasher, and, of course, Olive the Other Reindeer.
Since it’s fair to say Santa’s reindeer are all domesticated reindeer, another way they might be named is by location. Native herders still live in Russia, northern Canada, Finland, Sweden, Norway, and Alaska, and it’s from these places I randomgenned the names below. (The Inuit ones are real, though!)
| Finnish
Arukko Esski Kalfamarska Markki Matopu Meevar Moonjoika Siivo Smuls Taika Toomar Tunomo Ursi |
Russian
Byez Bysho Fyustrov Gertev Khyuv Kyatna Merva Sedansk Tetsla Tyok Yaril Yullerina Zinya |
Sami *
Andija Birki Caija Gaivvas Imba Julla Junkil Milot Mures Olen Saibi Sejo Valter |
Inuit
Chulyin Desna Iqniq Kassuq Nauja Nirliq Olikpok Qannik Sesi Sirmiq Sos Suka Tapeesa |
* Sami are the ethnic reindeer herders of Scandinavia.
This picture shows a herder and some typical domestic reindeer. Notice how small they are compared to elk and moose! This gives added weight to the line in Clement Moore’s poem: “And what to my wondering eyes then appeared, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer…”
Since I’ve been posting about reindeer, let’s see Santa’s flesh and blood creatures changed into sleek, tireless robot servants. It makes sense that Santa would eventually move in this direction. Such a compassionate soul as he would want to avoid stress and strain on the mortal creatures. They would be semi-retired and serve only as an honor guard for special occasions. The majority of the Christmas Eve work would be done by the robots.
A convoy of tiny autonomous vehicles delivery food and gifts during Christmas.
Artwork by The Dodomiter
A lone reindeer treads a boreal landscape.
Artwork by CynicalTopHat
Another reindeer strikes a pose.
3D model by Lixinjing
Here’s an interesting one. I assume the artist is Chinese, which makes sense as the animal resembles a chunky mythical Quilin rather than a reindeer.
Boston Dynamics, the manufacturer of the robot dog Spot, decked out their creations in reindeer garb one Christmas and had them pull a sleigh.
AI image generators offer lots of robot reindeer, and if I may gripe I like crediting actual artists rather than simply “AI.” I’m not sure if this is AI though. But it’s cool. (When I was growing up such images were tediously generated by airbrush by a human hand.)
A reindeer as a military drone, by artist Daniel Beaulieu.
A suspiciously skinny, peeved Santa meets with his elves and reindeer team, from the 1964 Rankin-Bass special
In my original plans for this post I wanted to generate some names for new members of Santa’s flying reindeer team, but instead I went down a rabbit hole of Christmas canon.
For example, much of our (meaning American) ideas about Santa Claus came from poet Clement Moore’s work “A Visit from St. Nicholas” which was published in 1823 in The Sentinel, a newspaper based in Troy, NY. This was an age in which printed media was more regional and publishers had more freedom to do what they wanted. The papers then were not strictly for news and often published fiction as well, functioning in the same way magazines would later. They were also less picky about things like authorship and copyright. A friend of Moore’s had sent the poem to them and apparently they printed it without Moore’s permission or even paying him. In the following decades it was widely circulated, and reprinted, throughout the country, again without Moore’s permission or even his byline. But apparently that was OK with him… he was a professor and didn’t want to be associated with the plebian verses, which he had written originally for his own children. You can read more about the original poem, and its controversy, here.
In the poem Moore posits a team of eight reindeer for Santa, in vaguely alliterative-sounding pairs that make for effective rhyming, especially later when the 1949 Christmas tune Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was composed by Johnny Marks and released in a gentle, genial version by cowboy star Gene Autry. It was that song that cemented the eight … er, nine… deer into the American consciousness. (Despite what some people say, the song was not inspired by a red-nosed drunk named Rudy, at least from what I’ve found.)
Rudolph, of course, was conceived earlier, in 1939, by retail whiz Robert L. May for Montgomery Ward, which wanted an original Christmas story for a booklet they planned to give away to customers. (Fun fact: he was songwriter Johnny Marks’ brother-in-law.) Some sites say Rudolph was written for an advertising campaign, but the truth was, it was more of a promotional one and a cheaper alternative than buying new books from publishers, which is what they had been doing on previous Christmases. So another myth busted.
Back to the original team. I couldn’t find any information about why Clement Moore named the reindeer as he did. But some creative minds have attempted to hang some personalities onto them according to their names.
Dasher: Athletic and quick out of the gate
Dancer: Graceful
Prancer: Proud and showy
Vixen: Cunning and quick like a little fox
Comet: Fast and dramatic
Cupid: Loving and full of joy
Donner: Thunder, loud
Blitzen: Lightning, like a flash
In the 1828 Moore poem, the last two were Dunder and Blixem, which were Dutch words for thunder and lightning. They were changed to Donder and Blitzen in a revised 1844 version, reflecting the German spellings, and Donder later still to Donner which is the more modern German spelling. Not sure why Moore made the jump from Dutch to German.
A curious exclusion was the reindeer’s gender. As a child I always assumed they were male-female pairs: Dasher (M) and Dancer (F); Prancer (M) and Vixen (F); Comet (M) and Cupid (F); Donner (M) and Blitzen (F). That’s just the way it was in the world: male and female, and the female-sounding names were obviously so, especially Vixen, which is a female fox, as a nanny is a female goat. But others didn’t think so. The reindeer team of the 1964 Rankin-Bass Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is all male, even the effete Dancer and Cupid. Even in more recent movies, like a 1998 Rudolph movie, present them as all male, even Vixen, which is just… awkward.
But… did you another writer created his own Santa reindeer team?
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