Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/19/22: The Best of Twittersnips (Playing in Another’s Sandbox)

Prince Thrindhöil of the High Elves strikes a pose

Very occasionally over the past years I’ve stepped out and created random characters for existing media —  books, movies, or even toy lines. Here’s a selection.

 

Franchise and fanfic characters

Middle Earth
(J. R. R. Tolkien)
Smerri Peachlake, Nol Bluffbuggin, Gosti Threeclasp (Hobbits)
Yevenglazar, a giant spider
Prince Thrindhöil
Gandian Graymurgh, a wizard
Islands of Earthsea
(Ursula K. LeGuin)
Mobossory
Lorbish
Omodor
Sosk
Elric of Melniboné
(Michael Moorcock)
Zakwash
Keernioth
Hraamborn
Draarnot
Athoch Naqueed
Ponlos Phaazith
Elfquest
(Wendy and
Richard Pini)
Firemoth
Raincaller
Frost-eyes
Transformers
Starspew
Schizoscooter
Hobagitron
Snorlax
The Bible
King Jansileshas
Teshoaz
Zosambros
Pokemon
Spagglespark
Rhadaroon
Simuroodle
Star Wars
Bhav Uvisp
Tal Avoch
Sol Avex
Drak Evid
Watership Down
(Richard Adams)
Othayfla-rah
Vaymarth
Thlayndro
A Land Fit for Heroes
(Richard Morgan)
Hithrek
Yemandrish
Ereman Garakis

Water Pug

pug crossed with a manatee

What do you call a pug crossed with a manatee?
A Pugong, of course!

 

Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/12/22: Mermaids

Mermaids are one of those mythological creatures everyone thinks they know everything about, yet no one knows anything about. To begin with, in spite of a certain mockumentary, they are not real. I repeat, mermaids are NOT REAL.

You can see the resemblance, kinda.

Any sitings purported to be mermaids in ancient sailor’s tales and the like are probably of sea cows, manatees, or dugongs, sea mammals distantly related to elephants. They have a habit of lolling about with their heads and top parts of their bodies just poking above the water, and with the addition of seaweed, foggy sea air, and nursing young (the nipples of female manatees are located on their chests) they might have been mistaken for aquatic humanoid creatures. Very rotund humanoid sea creatures, as a female manatee can weigh up to 3,500 pounds. The skeletons, too, of these animals could be mistaken for a fish-tailed human, as the skulls of elephants were once mistaken for those of a Cyclops.

Add to this the Roman and Greek propensity for depicting humans, horses, deer, wild boars, lions, etc. with fish tails as decorative elements… and the occasional sirenomelia deformity… it’s no wonder untraveled Medieval people thought mermaids were actual beings.

mermaid with two tails from an early engravingMermaids from illuminated manuscripts and the earliest printed bestiaries were an eclectic bunch. Sometimes they had webbed feet attached to their torsos or snaky tails, affiliating them with female monsters like Lillith and lamias. Sometimes they sported two tails, like the milk-squirting one on the right, whose direct descendant is the crowned, smiling mermaid of the Starbucks logo.

When mermaids entered the realm of fine art, their visual depiction changed yet again. Now, instead of being fishes from the waist down, they are fishes from the groin down, leaving them with human buttocks and, presumably, sexual organs. I’ve never seen any speculation for the reasons for the change in the art world, so I’m going to blame the prurience of the artists’ patrons, and the availability of live female models willing to pose to satisfy it.

This 1900 painting by John Waterhouse seems to conceal the mermaid’s buttocks with a scaly skin, yet also hints her pubis and mons are bare, allowing a would-be suitor easy access. It’s perhaps the most iconic of mermaid images, her red hair inspiring the depiction of Disney’s heroine Ariel a century later.

And yet, as the twentieth century moved on, the mermaid’s fish scales marched back up to their waists again. Above is a slightly naughty postcard from the 1920s, showing some mermaid ass; below, Darryl Hannah in the 1984 mermaid romance Splash. Not a cheek in sight. I have yet to see an explanation for mermaid depictions losing their sexual parts, so I’m going to hypothesize one: Cosplay. It was only in the twentieth century that the materials rose into existence to actually make a functioning, fairly realistic mermaid costume. This meant not only being covered up for modesty’s sake while on display, but being swimmable as well, which required a strong, snug attachment through the waist and hips.

Let’s move on to mermaid names. There’s Madison, of course, named after Madison Avenue in New York and inspiring a generation of female children with that name. The magic-using mermaid in the 1960s anime Marine Boy was named Neptina in the English translation, after Neptune of course, while  Glynis Johns played a mermaid in the 1948 English comedy Miranda. The name doesn’t seem to fit a sea creature on first glance, but then, Miranda was also the daughter of Prospero in Shakespeare’s play The Tempest, who lived on a paradisiacal island.

The most famous mermaid of all, the woeful heroine of Hans Christian Anderson’s fairy tale The Little Mermaid, never even had a name. But Disney gave her one: Ariel. Which is patently ridiculous.

Number one, it’s the name of a winged air sprite in the aforementioned Tempest who has the power to cause storms and fly. Well, I can see the storm part for a mermaid, but Disney’s creation definitely did not fly or have wings. Second, it’s a name steeped in Jewish tradition, meaning “Lion of God” and mostly given to male children. A sequel to the Disney cartoon tries to justify this: Ariel is given six sisters, all whom have names beginning with A (Attina, Alana, Adella, Aquata, Arista, Andrina) implying that, as princesses of the realm of Atlantica, it is a Royal tradition. But even considering this, Aquamarina or Amphitra would have made more sense.

Anyway, you need a name for a mermaid, here’s a list of more appropriate ones.

 

Mermaid Names

Aguadelle

Atlanqua

Amphaë

Ampherica

Amphiothy

Atlantadora

Atlantira

Atolla

Bathyrica

Bentheena

Brineen

Brineuma

Bryneis

Coralily

Crustacia

Harbora

Hydroma

Isletta

Marinys

Naia

Naiellen

Nautoria

Oceanella

Pelagia

Piscina

Saltsa

Sandica

Sargassa

Scyllisa

Seasilk

Shellion

Thassaluna

Tidaline

Tritonisa

 

Go back! Go back!

This looks like a horrific clip from Terry Gilliam’s dystopian spoof movie Brazil, but it’s a photo of actual Chinese firefighters wearing special chemical-resistant suits.

 

Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/5/22: Ladies of Arthurian Romance

Detail of God Speed, by Edmund Leighton (1900)

The women of King Arthur’s Court did not go on grand quests like the men did, but for their comparatively fewer numbers, they were big big drivers of the plots. In the most familiar version of the Camelot story, Guinevere cheats on Arthur with Sir Lancelot, creating a major conflict; likewise, Morgan le Fay, Arthur’s half-sister, has a one-night stand with him, birthing his illegitimate, incestuous son, Mordred, who becomes Arthur’s downfall. Vivien (sometimes known as Nimue or Ninianne) was a beautiful sorceress who was generous enough to give Arthur a sword, but later became the downfall of Merlin when the old wizard’s sexual pursuit began to annoy her. Other characters are Igraine, who was Arthur’s mother, and Morgause and Elaine, his sisters.

Like the knights, many ladies in chivalric romance were referred to by sobriquets. Vivien was known as The Lady of the Lake, and Elaine, The Lily Maid of Astolat and The Lady of the Pale Hands. The latter sounds odd and horrific to us today, but in Medieval times, having pale hands meant a woman did not have to work at rough labor in the field, which meant she was a highbred lady of quality.

Other ladies might be compared to flowers or jewels. Some were referred to by a certain item of dress, like C. S. Lewis’ character pastiche The Lady of the Green Kirtle in The Silver Chair, or even by what they lacked (The Beautiful Lady Without Mercy.)

The world can always use more Medieval ladies, so here’s a list.

 

Ladies of Arthur’s Court

Angrova of the Languid Neck

Lady Bleona

Lady Ulrynne

Lady Pelleviene of the Virgin Lips

Lady Ouidna

The Lonely Maid of Plumford

Queen Sigthra

Anvienne the Pure

Eldenore of the Golden Tower

Amadabella, the Lady without a Heart

The Dark Lady of Withywood

Lady Claudana

Maid of the White Arms

The Maiden of the Golden Slippers

The Maiden of the Iron Hood

Beldisoma Long-Hair

The Pallid Maid Of Pursewood

Lady Sigraine

Lady Damvra

Lady Glestrice

Queen Urna The Prideful

Queen Murriana

Saint Agnelyn of the Burnt Bosom

Yglieve of the Winter Hair

Saint Salgriana of the Gentle Panther

Brandwynn, The Lioness of Graffich

Henriana of the Dark Ruby

Luthsona, The Faithful Rose

Lyonriana, The Maiden Without Guile

Lady Blandnes

Hetwynd the Pale

 

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/29/21: Twittersnips 2021 (Spells and Magic Items)

This year, I structured my worldbuilding tweets differently. I stuck to spells and magical items for fantasy gaming, and the response was good. The magic ranged from the practical and logical (Amulet of the Whippet) to the elaborate (Curse of the Necromancer’s Feet) to the flagrantly useless (Sunshine’s Color-Changing Plum). Here’s the complete list.

 

2021 Spells


Actor Sleep:
Causes anyone performing in a play to fall asleep on stage, embarrassing them greatly. Can also be used by an actor to simulate sleep for a certain role.

Afneil’s Fur Cleanse: Cleans the fur of any creature, including magical ones, as well as items and clothing made of fur.

Anchor Ash: Anything within a circle formed by this magical ash cannot be removed by magic.

Angeline’s Glorious Set of Horns

Angeline’s Glorious Set of Horns: Gives the caster a large, polished, impressive-looking set of horns that would set any fae being to envy. Adds +2 to Charisma as well. (Depending on the ingredients, horns may be from deer, sheep, antelope, or cattle.)

Ashvage’s Tender Wave: Softens the crash of a huge wave or tsunami so it doesn’t hurt creatures or structures.

Badger and Blister: Creates an invisible force that intermittently – and when least expected – pinches, slaps, and pushes the victim, as well as creating small blisters on exposed skin as if live coals have been thrown at them.

Baleful Polymorph: Enchants a creature to transform into its opposite.

Banish Mangled Boots: Makes a pair of beat-up, worn-out boots disappear forever (even magic ones).

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Merry Christmas!

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/22/21: The Best of Twittersnips (Christmas)

 

Noel and Helga, the Christmas Eve Narwhals, frolic across a COVID mask

I love randomizing Christmas things. Carols, scented candles, and various mascots (Rudolph, et. al) are all open to various possibilities. Here’s a list of the ones I posted on Twitter 2019 – 2020.

Oh, and if someone can point me to where I can buy Joyce the Three-Nosed Doll, let me know!

 

A Merry Twitter Christmas

Christmas Carols
A Fireplace and a Pine Log
A Silent Candy Cane Caress
Give a Bright Gift of Mittens to Your Friends
Hossanah Holy Christmas Tree
I Saw the Grinch Kissing Frosty the Snowman
Let’s Lick a Midnight Candy Cane
Merry Christmas (The Silver Reindeer Sing)
Narrow Trails of Silver Thistles
The Lord Is Coming Above Us
Christmas
Characters
Arthur the Winter Angel
Buddy and Chrissie, the Merry Flying Squirrels
Hans the Hungry Reindeer
Jingles the Happy Hedgehog
Joyce the Three-Nosed Doll (sent to the Isle of Misfit Toys)
Noel and Helga, the Christmas Eve Narwhals
Sleighbell, the Blues-Singing Swan
Christmas Scents
Blackberry and Candy Cane
By the Comforting Fireside
Christmas Mahogany
Ho-Ho Aloe
New Sweater and English Shortbread Cookies
Santa’s Hot Tub
Warm Polished Country Mantel
White Poinsettia

Hurray for Mrs. Claus

Mrs. Claus is a second-string character in the annual Christmas story, behind Santa himself, his elves, and his reindeer. She is usually depicted as elderly, smiling dispenser of cookies. Except when she’s not. In the pic above she’s a vicious ax murderer (in advertising art for the Christmas horror flick Mrs. Claus) while below, she’s in the midst of a crime caper with her hubby.

You’ve heard of the black-eyed kids? Well these figures below are black-eyed Santas. If they should ring your doorbell in the dead of night, don’t answer it. They’ll drag away to some frozen hell where you’ll spend eternity varnishing poorly made wooden toys.

Alternately, Mrs. Claus is suffering from dementia (which accounts for her blank stare) and Santa, none too clear-headed himself, is leading her around by the arm.

Other times, Mrs. Claus gets to be a tattooed bikini babe or rubber vixen. Santa may take on many ghoulish guises, but only Mrs. Claus gets to be sexualized.

This isn’t to say, though, that she is free from Christmas horror or tweeness. The stuffed toy above, with its painted-on wrinkles and fused, mitten-like hand, is certainly disturbing, bringing to mind tales of Lobster Boy.

Then there’s this doll with its drop-dead glare.

In the Rankin-Bass stop-motion Christmas special Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, which purports to be the (entirely fictional) true story of how Santa Claus came to be, Mrs. Claus starts out as a blonde schoolteacher named Jessica. She falls in love with Kris Kringle (the future Santa) and even gets to sing a song of her own in the special. Later, she springs Kris from his jail cell in the vaguely Germanic town where they both live and runs away with him to the North Pole.

In contrast to pure-hearted Jessica, this Mrs. Claus looks like she’s up to something. Perhaps she’s planning a fling with the handsome male elf in charge of foddering the reindeer.

Look how tiny she is here compared to her huge-headed husband! Clearly she was his child bride. The strain of being married to him has, over the years, collapsed her shoulders, and she looks heavenward with eyes closed in pain.

Appealing or creepy? You decide. I think she looks a tad too simian.

Art by Red2870

“Lick my foot” said Mrs. Claus.

Santa’s having way too much fun in this motorized rocking chair that is being pushed by Mrs. Claus.

Photographer Cindy Sherman hams it up in this portrait of an about-to-vomit Mrs. Claus who looks like she pushed her left hand right into that cake on her knee.

Also inspired by fine art, this boxlike Christmas couple look like they’re been designed by artist Marisol Escobar. I almost said Louise Nevelson, but corrected myself.

And this one, Marc Chagall.

And if you want to create your own Mrs. Claus, her heads are in the middle.

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/15/21: Knights of the Round Table

Like the origin and location of Camelot, the number and names of The Knights of the Round Table varied with who was telling the story. Some writers went with a dozen, others, a cast of hundreds. All of them came with their own extensive backstory, sometimes featuring each other as cousins, sons, lieges, or squires, the relationships convoluted. Modern retellings stick to the best known: Sirs Lancelot, Galahad, Percival, Tristan, Kay, and Sir Gawain and his foe, The Green Knight.

The knights were headquartered at Camelot and the round table was created so no one man counted higher  than another, as he would if he sat at the head of a traditional table. In the early years of Arthur’s reign the knights kept the kingdom in peace and, later, went on the quest for the Holy Grail, the chalice used at Christ’s Last Supper.

The names of the knights tended to sound French, which was no surprise as the first chivalric romances were written in French by Chrétien de Troyes. But the origins of some of those names were from Welsh and British myth, Chrétien merely Francophiling them, in a way.

Anyway, what’s a few more knights to add to the mix?

 

Other Knights of the Round Table

Sir Bleonor of the Blue Apple

Sir Luthelant of Spearcomb

Pallgant the White Knight

Sir Peiravaine

Sir Boreius

Sir Salgavene

Sir Murois of the Amethyst Rose

Sir Brandhault of Millkaster

Sir Lactavale

Friar Glesmere

The Hermit of Kingswood

Sir Pastrivaine the Dignified

Sir Triesnor

Sir Blamisvere

Edulreeve the Scarlet Duke

Saint Bedaeus

Sir Lyravaunt

King Gandybor

Sir Peiris the Fat

Sir Sisgrede of the White Moors

Sir Hectorlarke

Sir Umrieth

Sir Embrynant

Alymder of the Wood

Squire Jolenor the Valiant

Pendimont the Rapt

Sir Anelraise the Red Knight

Sir Murishault the Eager